It irritates the living hell out of me when politicians (or anyone for that matter) uses the “I have been there” line. You know, that line when a country comes up in a conversation and they say “I have been there”. I was listening Bill Maher (yeah, yeah) on my iPod when some or other politician was using this argument that things are soooo much better in Iraq. You know - he’s “been there”. Like he knows something we don’t know. Sorry buddy. You haven’t been there. Going on an escorted trip to some holiday camp isn’t “been there”. It’s just a package deal holiday trip. It’s buying that Disney trip off the travel agent. Not planning your own trip to Florida. Disney isn’t Florida. You haven’t been to Florida just because you have been to Disney World. Mickey Mouse isn’t Governor Charlie Crist - and Goofy isn’t Jeb Bush either. They just act like them. I know - it’s a shocker. But that’s the truth.
Dick Cheney has been to Iraq. Hillary has been all over the place. All escorted trips. Talking to people and seeing people that other people controlled. Not a moment of meeting the people in the streets. No. They met the people those in power wanted them to meet. Those “good little soldiers”. Those on the side of the winners or warlords or occupiers - not those who suffer in their homes without water or electricity or food or jobs. Or walls for that matter. Those have been bombed as well. So what you have are just very big windows as the Republicans would like you to believe. You see what they want you to see. And not what you should see. You don’t see the families caring for the wounded ones or crying for the lost ones.
It brings me to McCain. (No, I am still not writing about the election - just the topic of “I have been there”). McCain went to Iraq last week. Made a few “misspokes” by confusing a few issues. Wouldn’t you with Lieberman standing next to you? You just don’t know which way Lieberman might go - Independent today, Republican tomorrow, Democrat yesterday. Anyway - I digress. Again. So McCain went to the marketplace. Bought a few goods there I hope. You know. A bucket of water (just a few minor shrapnel holes in it). Some oil (imported from Saudi Arabia because you can’t find Iraqi oil). An AK47 (seen some action). But no food and no freedom fries. But why didn’t he go to the market he went to the last time? Because it wasn’t safe. Not even with those Blackwater guards, marines, armoured vehicles and helicopters. He hasn’t “been there”. He could only say “I haven’t been there”.
They don’t know those places. They don’t live in those places. They fly in and they fly out. Just so they can say “I have been there”. Just so they can spin it in a way that you like it - with a bit of cream on top thank you. It makes it soooo much easier to swallow. It’s just the way I used to feed my dog his medicine - hide it in a piece of ham. But even my dog got it in the end. He started spitting out the pills (but still ate the ham). Americans aren’t stupid. No. Let me rephrase that. Americans aren’t dumb for long. You start smelling something rotten and starts spitting out the pill of stupidity. And the approval rating of those “who have been there” starts dropping faster than the bombs in Iraq. You can fool some of the people some of the time, but not all of the people all of the time…
“I have been there”. I should be a politician really. No - I should be the ruler of the world by now. Hear me people of the world - your leader is here. The wait is over. Get the roses and the wine ready, because here I come. The people of Cameroon - I am your main-man. I have been there once. For almost a day. A stopover on my flight to Bamako, Mali. Actually, I have been there twice - on my return flight as well. I am the most knowledgeable foreign policy person I know. Why? Because “I have been there”. Zambia - vote me in. I spend time in Lusaka - many times. “I have been there”. I’ve eaten your nsima and drank your Mosi. Ivory Coast - your saviour and warlord is here. “I have been there”. Twice. Stuck at the airport. Hungary - anoint me in the Danube. “I have been there”. For 3 long days in a luxury hotel that included a massage from a big hairy Hungarian - male. Mexico - ola, make me your main revolutionary piñata. “I have been there”. Mexico City, Chihuahua, Monterrey and many Tequila’s. France - c‘est la vie, your monsieur of la resistance has arrived. “I have been there”. Four long days in Paris - baguettes, wine, cheese, insults and all. Germany - your über prince of the united country is here. “I have been there”. In Trier to shop for toys, in Berlin to do nothing really, and in Nuremberg for a job interview. “I have been there”. I have been everywhere. Almost. Never mind South Africa where I was born and raised. Or the UK where I spend four long years watching footie, drinking pints and eating crap “fish and chips” like a real Englishman. Or the US where I have lived for the last 18 months shouting for the Red Sox and hating the Yankees like all good Americans should. Yes, I have been there. But I know nothing. Because I don’t live their lives. I am just a guy from South Africa. An Umlungu who knows too little and says too much.
Really, if “I have been there” qualifies you as a foreign policy expert then every pilot on the Delta international route is Boutros Boutros-Ghali. And sorry my friend, you ain’t from Egypt or his world. I sometimes even doubt if you are even from this world. Even if you “have been there”. You still haven’t “been there” or “got it”.
So. Stop it please. Stop trying to sound all travelled and wise because you “have been there”. You haven’t. You haven’t even “been there” when it comes to the US. You can’t use a daft and brainless line just to justify and spin your stupid, warped and pathetic policies. It isn’t an answer. It isn’t an analysis. It isn’t even SNL or Real Time. It’s just you being stupid. Like my dog was in the beginning. But even he got over it. He roams and knows his territory. He even marks it by lifting his leg on everything. Instead of telling me “I have been there”, tell me how you are going to “be here”. Just don’t leave a mark like my dog. Just don’t take the piss.
If you enjoyed this post, get free updates by RSS
Subscribe To Angry African
13 responses so far ↓
Keven Bennett (53_2) // March 25, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Let’s see…
I traveled once to San Diego, stayed a week at an ESRI confererance. Hell, since I’ve done that, then by these standards I should be able to at least angle for the mayorship down there.
Obviously, God holds the postion of major diety in these here parts, but maybe there are some minor diety positions open. Hmmm…
Scott Carpenter has been to the moon. So have a few others. I guess that at least one of ‘em qualifies for the head honcho of THAT little grey dustball.
Since AA has already staked a claim for the equivalent postion (tongue in cheek) on the neighboring lump of muddy rock some 384,000 kilometers away, he’s got to compete with Bush and Hillary and McCain and even Obama, if his neck hasn’t been stretched too far, politically speaking.
BUT, lest you all forget:
We Americans always comment that the prez is the “leader of the world” or “the leader of the free world”. I’m guessing that for the latter description, the implication is that if you don’t agree that WE are your bosses, then you ain’t free. Isn’t it obvious? How could someone doubt our superiority and still live in a democratic society? Riddle me that!
I personally never looked at democracy that way, but I guess that’s the accepted definition, since any other competing definitions havn’t been vetted by us.
To continue:
Rembember, US means ‘us’, NOT you! You can forget that! This is OUR planet. You just work for us and do what we tell you to do and if you aren’t for us, yer aginst us. And if yer aginst us, well just blast you, then MAKE you like us. And if you STILL don’t like us, we’ll just keep blasting you some more till you do.
There’s nothing like a shotgun to fix a TV…
So, in summary in a highly fractured sort of way, if you don’t like US, then you can just git the hell off this planet. It’s ours!
Keven Bennett (53_2) // March 25, 2008 at 1:22 pm
Oh, and never mind the fact that we owe you guys out there in non-US land one HELL of a lot of money…
That’s ok, cause if you ever call that note due, I’ll just have to grab that shotgun I jist fixed my TV with!
Turnbaby // March 25, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I’m over from Fabby’s blog. I don’t have time right this second to be pithy about how frickin’ awesome this post is nor do I have time to explore more of your blog. But I’ll be back sugar.
Segeju // March 25, 2008 at 4:17 pm
Hehehe. Very nice post.
Well AngryAfrican, since you’re African, I think you understand that line about as much as I do and should not get too angry when you hear it.
Didn’t you roll your eyes enough back on the continent after meeting so many people who ‘know’ Africa?
“I know all about Africa because I went for a two-week safari there… I know all about Africa because I was in the Peace Corps there… I know all about Africa because I had an African friend in college… I know about Africa because I listen to Fela Kuti…
Hehehehe. I had a good laugh after I read your post.
Thanks.
a broad // March 25, 2008 at 4:45 pm
Good one! Does my two hour layover in the Nambian airport en route from London to SA count as ‘been there’? If you drive through a town, does it count? In that case, I would be well traveled.
a broad // March 25, 2008 at 5:17 pm
and Germany….and …. France….and England….and ….Zimbabwe…. and yes, Luxembourg, my favorite place on earth…
alisha9 // March 25, 2008 at 7:41 pm
Great post! I like how you’re not writing about the election, too! LOL!
mrpinkeyes // March 25, 2008 at 7:58 pm
You wrote:
“They don’t know those places. They don’t live in those places. They fly in and they fly out. Just so they can say “I have been there”. Just so they can spin it in a way that you like it ”
I agree with this point. All of these politicians use Iraq as a political point. Many fly over there just so that they can use it to their advantage. They spin their experience over there to match their viewpoint. They aren’t using it to see anything other than what they want to see.
As a defender of the war on my blog, I do look for stories that represent my viewpoint and try to publicize them, so I suppose I am guilty of this on a much smaller scale.
SFRoamer // March 26, 2008 at 1:59 am
MOST excellent post, my man. As you point out, there’s a big difference between “being there” and “being there wearing a flak jacket escorted by 100 heavily armed troops under the cover of $70 million worth of air power.”
Baikong // March 26, 2008 at 6:26 am
Excellent entry AA! Funny and it ended me reflecting.
Just this morning, a researcher (and an outsider) validated the data he gathered from the field and respondents re: land/crop conversion and issues of landgrabbing, land rights violation etc. All of us are really disappointed and thinks the research content is a crap because the value is not there. There are plenty of important infos that needed in order to see the real picture of the scenario, etc. So we really pressed him and made remarks of discontentment based on knowledge and experiences we have as frontlines and people living with the situation here (existence of landgrabbing, powerful clan vs small and poor farmers, etc). His defensive mechanism is “I have been there… I have heard them saying this… I have been there for 5 days…” But that doesn’t mean he got the information right. That doesn’t mean that he got the whole picture. That doesn’t mean there is no violation of rights, no landgrabbing. That doesn’t mean that in 5 days he was in the field, he already knows the real situation - women and men lives are threatened when resistance to convert their land from rice farm to biofuel source farm, fake land titles are distributed to landowners and the original land title goes to the private companies, and others.
Yes, I agree with you… It is not impressive just to hear words “I have been there…” Unless you live with it.
Baikong // March 26, 2008 at 8:11 am
More to read about Angry African’s Long Live Mama at http://baikong.wordpress.com/2008/03/26/angry-african-on-the-loose-guestpost/ Don’t miss this chance!
Keven Bennett (53_2) // March 26, 2008 at 8:48 pm
————-
My Couch
————-
There is actually another vehicle one can use to travel in. No, it’s not a 767-400 or an Airbus, but in some ways, it’s better.
You see, I have my Couch. It is a fantastic, wonderful vehicle to travel in, and what’s more, I can choose the pilot simply by picking up a book. The author fuels the engines, sets the destinations, and itinerizes the tours.
Once you have chosen your pilot, you can choose any level of tour quality you want, and you can stay as long as you want. No visas, worries over conflicts, terrorism warnings, or standing in long lines. You can leave at any time, and speaking of time, you can leave BEFORE you came, if that is your fancy.
My Couch can not only travel in space, it can travel in time. One of my pilots, Peter D. Ward, flew me to South Africa during two spans of time: Select periods of time between 1992 and 2000, and a period of time far earlier, from 260 million to 248 million years ago, when the worst mass extinction to have ever gripped life on earth occurred.
I not only could fly to Lootsburg Pass, to see the home of a family who suffered an unfortunate extinction in the late 1800s, and who built their house on the gravesite of a fauna extirpated 250 million years before, I was able to travel to that distant time, when Lootsburg Pass wasn’t a “Lootsburg Pass” at all. It was part of an inland basin, freed only 40 million years before from the grip of glaciers similar to those that grip Antarctica today.
My Couch is a wonderful vehicle. I’ve more recently been to the White Sea winter coast area of Northern Russia. Not only that, I got to see what it was like now, but how it was during the 1960s, a time when it would have been inaccessible to any vehicles other than my Couch, given the tensions of the Cold War. My Couch has true stealth technology, the Russian air force never had a chance of detecting my arrival in the area on my Couch. I even got to see the area as it was during an incomprehensibly distant time: 630 to 542 million years ago. Yes, this is during Ediacaran times, when our ancestors first stirred the sediments and filtered the oceans in search of organisms to eat. Eating others is what marks us uniquely as animals, crass as that may seem…
Of course, there really is a downside to flying around the world on this wonderful vehicle, my Couch. The fact is, just like the ghostly images in stone that make up the Ediacaran fauna, an enormous amount of information is lost.
It’s called experience. You see, experience, whether over a second or a lifetime, is the ruler by which all information is measured against. After all, I must admit that my knowledge of Graaf-Reinett is much closer in quality to those ghostly Ediacaran images than it is to the memories of a real traveler, like AA and many of you. Even the actual experience of standing there for one second only would GREATLY enhance what I know, so great is the true measure of my ignorance. After all, even though I might know that there is a language called Afrikaans, I’ve never heard it. Ubuntu is as hazy a concept to me as those hazy Ediacaran fossils, regardless of my knowledge of them.
Furthermore, I don’t really get to hold those fossils in my hand, turn them over, heft them. No. As free as I am in space and time, I am absolutely NOT free to experience anything beyond the two dimensions available to me in the book, whose author pilots my Couch.
I’ve never seen the “national flower” of SA become entrapped in droves at Black township boundary fences – even given the fact that Peter Ward flew me there on my Couch. I’ve never seen the big whitewashed churches that dominate the white portions of these towns.
I’ve never seen the crematoriums that operated on Thursdays outside a town (I forgot what it was) in the Karoo that Peter Ward showed me. Nor have I smelled the smell of the smoke issuing from the smokestack. I have no connection to the reality of the AIDS victims whose number were so great that it required this method of disposal.
But then again, despite my Couches’ shortcomings as a travel vehicle, people like you and AA can always make my images of such places a little sharper. On the other hand, ignorance imposed by time and distance does have it’s advantages. I will never have to walk with crocodiles the likes of which many of you and AA have walked with – unless of course – we forfeit our own freedoms here through ignorance.
I will never have to risk the possibility that I might be as vulnerable there as that man from the Sudan was here, in Atlanta.
But I can say this:
There is a certain awe in being able to witness an asteroid, 14 kilometers in diameter, moving across the sky in a stately manner imposed by distance on what would otherwise be a speed so great it could transit a city in seconds. Such an uprooted Mount Everest would roll slowly as it passes overhead in a blue sky, gray, backlit to fiendish brightness in its sunlit crags, black in its shaded crevasses, dropping toward a horizon that will soon sport a second sun, 64.98 million years ago.
And the ground will respond with an equally stately version of what a blanket does when shaken of dust by a child.
I love my Couch…
SFRoamer // March 29, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Hey Angry African…..maybe Arianna Huffington is reading your blog.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/john-mccain-iraq-and-th_b_93721.html
Leave a Comment