I know, I haven’t done this for a while. It’s a combination of China and cocktails. Too long visiting one and too long just holding on to the other one. Hum, actually that goes for both of them… But let’s give it a shot.
1. Please sir, may I have some more?
Oh now we know we are in a recession baby. The land of true whiners, (Not-So) Great Britian, are feeling the pinch. And they are taking it out on the kids! Oh deary, deary me. You see, like all financial institutions, The Bank of Mom and Dad has been hit by the credit crunch. And they are just not that much into giving at the moment. Not enough cash to go around. So what did they do? Cut down on the pocket money. Those poor English roses just can’t buy the nice strawberry and cream at Wimbledon anymore. Shame poor little darlings. I don’t think I will spill too many tears on this one. It’s more like the yobs can’t afford the Burberry clothes anymore. Or the beers they drink in the park. Or, the latest craze, knives, anymore. Nah. Don’t feel too sorry for them. Britain has changed into a nanny state many years ago and I am sure the government will find a new way to pamper their little yobs darlings. There is no Great Britain anymore. The only “G” that goes with Britain is “Good god” Britain. And remember to role your eyes when you say it.
2. The law is going to the dogs
This woman called Leona Helmsley let her fortune go to the dogs. You know, she left about $8 billion to look after the poor mutts of this world. Stupid? Of course. Silly? Without a doubt. But now some wise ass Boston College professor claims that “we” are giving almost half of that money and not her. Why? Because the donation is not taxed and therefore indirectly comes from tax money – my money and your money. Really. It’s a stupid argument to make. Yes, there are better ways to spend the almost $4 billion that comes from “us”. But he makes one hell of an assumption to think that government will spend it on anything useful. I would rather let Skippy eat steak every night thanks to Crazy Auntie Leona than spend one single dollar more on a stupid war. Leona might be crazy (and she was as ugly as hell with that all that cosmetic surgery), but not as crazy as some of those people in DC. I have one specific guy in mind… And I really don’t want to give him anything more to play with.
So Gramm made a bit of a “misspoke”. Calling Americans a country of whiners. I would shut up if I was Gramm. His surname is way to silly to take seriously. I mean really, it sounds very similar to what we will call lightweight in the metric system… Anyway. I actually almost agree with him. But I think he got the wording wrong. It’s not “whiner” it’s “wieners”. For two reasons. Firstly, you guys really like hotdogs. And with baseball season in full swing it makes sense with the wiener sausages and all. But, more seriously, we also use the term “wiener” back home to talk about someone who gets scared easily. Or who falls for some weird scary story. Like in “Donner dude, you are such a wiener. That’s not a shark, it’s a dude with his wienersticking out.” (This is another meaning of wiener – meaning… hum… go check Wikipedia.) I mean really. Scared of Iran? You can’t rule through fear. Because you will end up fighting everyone and hating everyone and not trusting anyone. Get a grip people. You (we) need a new leader with some real leadership. Stop being a such wieners.
Airlines are being hit pretty hard by the high oil prices. So hard that they are now asking people to lobby government on their behalf. Hum. I don’t think so. You start NOT charging me $15 per bag. Or maybe you can start arriving on time – or leaving on time for that matter. And maybe you can serve me crap food instead of no food on these long haul flights. And a drink while I am stuck on the tarmac for a few hours after another “delay”. And just maybe you start upgrading your plane to a post-Nixon grade planes. Or include something more entertaining than barfbags to keep me entertained. And a little more legroom than than a Grade A classroom. And I haven’t even started with you yet American Airlines… You want to know why you can’t compete? Because you are incompetent and know nothing about customer service. We’ll pay more if you pay more attention. Go ask why some of the other airlines like BA, Virgin, Comair (in South Africa), China Air, Air Cameroon and many others can all look after us and still turn a profit. Come back when you have an answer. I won’t hold my breath. But you did give me an idea. Maybe I should start lobbying government to open up the air to some foreign competition. Yes, people might bitch for the loss of “sovereignty” but they’ll very quickly forget once they sit in comfy chairs and bite into a nice juicy BA sandwich. One they didn’t have to pay $5 dollars for.
5. The world got neutered… by President Bush
Sometimes the world is willing to show a bit of guts (or show they have balls) and take on a leader who is truly evil and (possibly) guilty of turning on his own people. Sudan in this case. President Omar al-Bashir of Sudan might just be charged with war crimes committed in Darfur. Makes sense doesn’t it? We know what has been going on over there. Murder, rape and mayhem. And that was on a good day. So the world decided to take a stand. And charge the guy. Of course the guy will say “I am not guilty”. That’s what the court is there for, right? In this case the International Criminal Court. But we won’t see this guy being taken to court – all thanks to President Bush. WTF? You heard me right. Blame President Bush for the ICC not having the teeth to take this guy on. Why? Because the guy is using the same argument President Bush used against the ICC. They both claim that the ICC have no jurisdictionover anything. They don’t recognize the ICC. This was the only court that could tackle Serbian war criminals. But President Bush wants special treatment for US citizens. He argues that everyone should be equal in the eyes of the law – but some are more equal than others. He doesn’t want Americans to be held accountable to this court even if they have committeda crime against humanity or genocide for that matter. Yes, everyone else should be covered by the ICC. Just not Americans. Do you truly believe Americans should have a higher right in this world? Should Americans be above the law? I don’t think we will ever see the day an American will be charged at the ICC. It’s aimed at warmongers and despots. but we have to make sure everyone is covered by the same law. Shouldn’t we? Your argument is like me saying that me and my family should be immune from being charged for theft as we will never do anything like that. Is that okay with you? I promise not to steal… Come on Bush – you are either for us or against us… The Darfur blood is on your hands. What options did you leave us with? Invading as a first option? I guess you don’t like it when people first try to take the legal route? It’s easier to go in with guns blazing isn’t it? You set the precedent. Invade Sudan – even the rest of the world think he is evil and worse than Sadam used to be. Be proud – you and the President of Sudan have something in common… I hope you are proud of your legacy.
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That’s it folks. Have a splendid weekend! Hope that sounded English enough. I am especially sour with them at the moment because they are beating us in cricket. Unheard of, I know…
July 12, 2008 at 5:14 am
I love your weekly news round up, laughing at serious things and getting the “real” take on things straight if that makes any sense at all lol.
July 12, 2008 at 4:07 pm
I had an email from Northwest Airlines this week regarding “Stop Oil Speculation Now” – signed by a dozen carriers. I thought, go stuff yourselves. I just had seen an interview this week of American’s CEO – and several of the Union leaders that hate his guts.
I find it incredible that in the face of terrible labor issues, poor service, rising prices – the top managers still give themselves huge bonus money. I hope they choke on it when their airlines go down. I agree they ought to open up the skies to greater foreign competition.
I like your weekly wrap-up – and Leona Helmsley was mad as the hatter – but it’s her right to fund Fido… I read this week some of the money may end up funding things like veterinary schools and animal research. All better than the folly in Iraq.
July 13, 2008 at 11:14 am
“Please sir…”
I guess it’s not a phenomenon that is local to GB. I’ve recently had to close my Mom and
Dad’s Bank of Whateveryouneeditfor too. At $4.00+ a gallon, convenience rides are out. At $7.00 a pop, no more ciggarettes either. Yup, I’ve had to turn the spigot off myself.
The kids? They have to roll their own and take the bus. I’ll still help if they run out of food or need medical attention though…
“Law dogs…”
At least we know in which order spp. Homo and spp. Canis rank on her priority list…
“Wiener-country…”
Finally! Someone ELSE is committing the gaffes around here! It’s about time someone noticed how compassionate and in touch McCain & Co. are when it comes to the mental, er, um, economic recession.
Why just this weekend, the mortgate crisis and other economic dominoes fell: IndyBank, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac are all now in the docket, awaiting government bailout.
If you hear that McCain and Graham came up with a pill I can take to get rid of this “mental recession”, will you let me know? I need one NOW!
***Cultural interlude***
The thought just occurred to me:
Why is the racial divide so serious in our country?
The answer:
The difference in our perception of dominoes!
I mean, seriously, as an avowed Viking (yeah! we kicked British ass in 1066!), many white Americans think that dominoes are these little rectangular thingies that you stand up on their ends, one behind the other, so you can knock one down and watch ‘em all fall.
Yup!
We think of the “domino theory” (the ideology behind the Vietnam war) and of people setting up thousands of ‘em so they can make videos, sometimes spectacular, of dynamic patterns and interesting effects as they fall.
On the other hand, Black Americans take their dominoes quite seriously. It’s the Black version of chess, and just as difficult. Believe me, I play both. I’m ok in chess, but I SUCK at real dominoes. I get my ass kicked regularly.
I really should stick to the “white” version…
***End of Cultural Interlude***
“A flying fork…”
I can’t really comment with any real knowledge, other than to say that I flew Alaska Airlines in 2002 to San Diego.
I flew in a beer can with wings (737), got nothing but a small bag of almonds and water.
It figures, though, that the price of oil will affect everything though…
“Bush does a ‘Lorena Bobbitt’ on UN…”
It would almost be funny if it weren’t for the fact that it has now backfired un the Sudan, but with the Chin and Zimbabwe as well.
Yup, our Libertarian cum Republican cum Militia cum Paranoid Schizophrenic 28% base sold us on how the UN was gunning to take of the US. Yup. We, in our Inestimable Knowledge of All Things Political knew we had to snip them before they snipped us.
It worked. Weiners plopped in the dust.
But now, as an unnamed individual (no! Not Rev Wright!) said:
Our chickens have come home to roost!
And just like with Katrina, the world noticed…
July 13, 2008 at 11:21 am
I love it! Your weekly wrap up just about made my weekend. Also, it supports my laziness in that now I don’t have to write about any of that nuttiness.
The other day I was speculating with some friends about whether elected officials should be made to go through the same things as us regular folk. You know, line up, not be able to duck the traffic with their security teams, have to have public health care; maybe then they would see fit to actually change things. Apparently they undergo memory modification when their butts hit their herman miller office chairs!
Thanks for the laugh, have a great weekend!
July 13, 2008 at 1:53 pm
@InSanityFound – Thanks! But you can see I am so serious about all these things… The truth is generally funier than when they try and sell us the story.
@Sahlah – Airlines. Can’t fly with them and can’t fly without them. And Leona is a nutter. But even the crazies can do what they want. pretty much. Look at O’Reilly…
@Keben B – Turning all English now are you with the M&P Bank? Or is it the Viking Bank (dare you to come and take some money?) Haha. But love your weiner take. I had to be careful…
@Coffeewallah – Thanks. We could try the “politician-be-human-for-a-day”. But I am not sure how I would feel if politicians act like humans. I have enough problems trying to come to grips with people telling me the I come from the ape. Saying that politicians share some DNA with me will be going way too far. Keep them in the DC Zoo (Congress & White House) and I’ll through peanuts (taxes) just to keep them away from me.
July 13, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Another amusing post.. and oh so true. You made it to my blogroll!
July 16, 2008 at 1:10 pm
[...] Angry African, a South African currently living in the United States, reminded readers that the ICC’s arrest warrant may not have much teeth, a fact that can be blamed on U.S. [...]
July 19, 2008 at 7:34 am
All Sudanese people including me would love to see president Bashir charged with war crimes, but the majority would love to see him being tried IN SUDAN not in the hague!
He screwed us over and we just want to speak our minds.
However, if the guy agreed to leave us the hell alone and he allowed the formation of a transitional government, we don’t mind letting him go in exile. What we want more than the ICC’s verdict is to refer to Bashir as our former so-called president.