My permanently suffering wife always tells people that we had kids so I can have friends to play with. Someone at my level. Someone to grow up with. And then she rolls her eyes and laughs. My friends just nod their heads knowingly.
I am a joker. I know. I am just not the “tough dad”. I can’t discipline them at all. I wish I could (not really), but I just can’t. My oldest daughter (11) even jokes about it. She’ll say something like “Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?” But not in a nasty way. In a joking fun way with lots of laughter. They listen to me. Sometimes. They know that dad is fun and a joker. And we’ll have fun as long as we are nice to each other and listen to each other. Respect and love each other. Continue to be a family.
I even joke about being becoming an ”all tough new dad” and frown – and flip up one eyebrow. And then we burst out laughing. Cue my oldest daughter with a snap of her finger, “Like that’s ever going to happen”. Being strict just doesn’t flow in my blood. I always joke with them. And we always tell jokes – even the youngest one. We go to the park. I read for them at night. We dance to silly songs. Dress up. Pull faces. Wrestle and flip them over. Wise crack – always. Fart and burp – and then say “Good one” before mom tells us to say “Excuse me please.” Tickle. Run riot. Eat funny in restaurants. Dive into the pool fully clothed. Just havoc whatever we do and wherever we go – one rule: HAVE FUN. Wave at people we don’t know. Giggle at everything. Love and hugs 24/7. And lots of laughter. In general, just drive my poor wife crazy. All she can do is shake her head and laugh. She married a crazy one. But I think she likes it. I bloody well hope so. I am NEVER going to let her go.
But I also work. I get up at 6 and leave before they are awake. Sometimes my youngest will be awake and give me a hug and a kiss and say, “I love you dad”. But they are generally asleep when I leave. And I get back at around 7:30 – just in time for us to sit together and eat. And then I bath my youngest one and read her a story. And they are off to sleep. “I love you my angel” – my last words to them in the evening and the first in the morning.
We still have fun, but we have less time. And I don’t see everything they do. I miss the dance classes. And the summer camps. And the trips to the shops. And the hanging out at the house. And the school trips. And the…
And we wait for the weekends. Or “mom and dad days” as my youngest calls it. That’s when chaos hits the house. That’s when we go wild. And when my poor wife suffers the most. The three kids and a suffering mama.
So today was a special day in more ways than one. Dad was home in the middle of the week. We had fun. We got up and sang “Happy Birthday” and opened presents. We had breakfast and went to say a quick hello to the teacher across the road. Family phoned in from South Africa. Off to swimming to see the girls in their swimming classes – it was the first time I came to watch. Back home for a lunch together. Played some Wii and other games with the new toys. Off to the party across the road with all her friends – and more presents to open. Played outside with the friends for while and then back home. It was a great, great day. A full day. They had a blast. And they did loads. She had fun. And so did her sister.
And then we got together to sit and have dinner together. It was a favourite of hers – mash, sausage, butternut and chicken in crumbs. And we joked a bit more and pulled faces at the table and ate funny. Mom gave up and just put her face in her hands and laughed – this is when we know she is the matriarch looking after her den. And we looked at the girls and asked, “So what was the best part of the day for you?”
And they both said, “When dad came to watch us swim”.
August 5, 2008 at 9:50 pm
I enjoyed this one a lot, mate.
August 5, 2008 at 10:24 pm
Happy princesses asleep in their beds tonight will dream of swimming and cake and crazy dad!
August 6, 2008 at 4:00 am
You know there is something to be said about knowing that a family such as yours exists. I can’t put it into the right words but wow wow wow to you as a dad and to your wife as a mom, those two kiddies are two of the luckiest in the whole wide world!!!
“And they both said, “When dad came to watch us swim”. Write that book I don’t think it is meant to be like that for the rest of their lives or yours.
Also go look at http://www.redroom.com I think for both you and the wife *hint hint*
August 6, 2008 at 6:28 am
Wow! I can totallt relate to that! My oldest is 4, and I have 3 kids, but this is exactly the way I feel.
I just can’t be tough. It’s too hard.
The problem with that is that the kids can be fine and play in their own room when I’m not home, but as soon as I’m there, they climb on me. And as much as I enjoy being with them, I do need some time with my wife too. I’ve lately tried to be a little tougher sometimes and ask them to play alone while I’m talking to mommy. But I’m still with them most of their waken time when I’m around.
And I can totally relate to the work also.
I get up at 6, but my kids get up at the same time. I make them breakfast, we eat, I get dressed, and then I wake up my wife just before I go, at 7:30. When I get home around 7 PM usually only the oldest and the baby are awake. Efraim who is 4 years old can stay up later now to make him feel bigger (and he also needs less sleep), and the baby still has her own weird baby sleep patterns (Talitha, she’s 9 months). I usually just read a book with him before putting on the pyjama, brushing his teeth and pray with him before he goes to sleep around 7:30.
August 6, 2008 at 7:09 am
Great post man, thanks for sharing.
“My permanently suffering wife always tells people that we had kids so I can have friends to play with. Someone at my level. Someone to grow up with. And then she rolls her eyes and laughs.”
My wife says the same, even though we haven’t been blessed with kids yet!
August 6, 2008 at 10:11 am
@toaf – Thanks mate. I enjoyed the day.
@A broad – And how would you know?
@thatdudeyouknow – It is great being a dad isn’t it? And don’t worry mate, they give you some more time for you and your wife as they grow up. But I know, their energy levels shoor up when they see dad! Enjoy!
@Saffer – You think it is a South African male thing? I bet you like beer, rugby and braai!
August 6, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Wow, you remind me of my Dad! How wonderful! You could probably be a lot more strict if you had sons. . . Dads just CAN NOT be mean to their daughters. . . . You should write a book about the adventures you and your daughters have shared and title it, “The day Dad came to watch us swim”. . . just talk about all of the pleasantness in being a father to daughters. . . I’d buy it!
August 6, 2008 at 6:52 pm
You are a blessed man.
August 6, 2008 at 8:59 pm
@alisha9 – Thanks! Mmm, like the idea of the book… Let me think about that one…
@sahlah – So right. I truly am.
August 8, 2008 at 7:04 am
I have only been to your blog twice, having discovered you after the M&G article last (this?) week.
I thoroughly enjoyed your article, not having children yet, but engaged, it really made me jealous!
Enjoy the weekend, and keep it up, i will be visiting your site regularly.
August 12, 2008 at 10:10 pm
@Jonathan – Welcome! (How’s the beers boet?)
August 13, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I came to you via Nathan’s facebook post too. And Bravo!! Its great to have come across a dad in the blogosphere with relevant and poignant thoughts to share. Thanks. And oh yeh, I don’t think your wife is suffering as much as you give her credit for (from a mom who is also smiling behind her hands at her husband’s antics!)
August 17, 2008 at 10:39 am
@Shawna – Thanks! And I agree. I might drive her crazy, but that smile says it all. She wouldn’t want it any other way.
December 7, 2008 at 9:06 pm
I miss this age 5 and 11, wait a couple of years, they get a mind of there own-LOL
My daughter is 15, son 17.
I’m also a child author in Concord, Ca
Happy Holidays