I’ve been asked about my “anger” many times. What do you have to be ”Angry” about? Why are you the “Angry African”? Why indeed…
I would rather have a good meal. Maybe help my wife prepare the food. Get the table ready. Talk about whether we should have brocolli or peas or carrots to go with the maple syrup chicken and roast potatoes she just made. That’s what I would rather do. Just have a good meal together with my family. Sitting at the table and laughing at the silliness of my daughters. Making funny noises and joking with their mother. Good times. Me, my family and a good meal. I would rather have a good meal. No need for anger here.
But how can I? How can I just have a meal when I know that somewhere out there in Zambia is a family arguing about how they divide the last of the nsima. Maybe this will be the last meal they share together. Because tomorrow brings no food and no hope. Maybe tomorrow the kids will have to go down to the charity handing out food and slip some away for ma and pa back home. But will grandma make it? Can she wait another 24 hours before she gets a little something to eat. No laughing or poking of fun. Not when the bones on their bodies are poking hard at their skin. How can there be no anger?
I would rather watch telly. Just vegetate and do nothing. Stare blankly at the screen. Flip channels because I can’t decide between CSI Miami or Kitchen Nightmares. Or maybe I should watch that Bond movie I taped? Or watch Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King again? Yeah. That’s what I want to do. Just stare at the telly and think of nothing. No anger here.
But how can I? How can I stare at the telly when tonight someone might be staring at the barrel of a gun somewhere in the Congo? No channels for them to watch. Maybe tonight will be the last time they see anything. I can change the channel but they can’t change their lives. I can play with the remote but they are here. Waiting for me to think of them. Always hiding somewhere in my conscious. Waiting to flip the channel of my brain to their station. No static. Just their lives waiting to be changed while they live a reality life. How can there be no anger?
I would much rather read a good book. Maybe just finish one of the many I am reading right now. Should I go with Mao and his killing or read about hope through the eyes of Obama? Maybe just get away from all that stuff and laugh at Bill Bryson telling me about A Short History of Nearly Everything. Aah. That what I want to do. Just read my book and let my mind slip away for a little bit. No anger here.
But how can I? How can I read a book when tomorrow the children will go and work those cocoa fields? The pages they flip are the pages of their life going past. One empty page after the other. Or maybe it is a horror. The horror of their lives. Living a Stephen King life larger than even he can imagine. But maybe some khat will help numb the pain. At least it will take away the glint in their eyes. And the empty pages of their life can be seen in their empty stares. How can there be no anger?
I would much rather play with my kids. Play outside like the crazy gang we are. Wild splashing we call swimming down at the lake. And go down that snowy hill when winter comes. Just me and my girls. Crazy, crazy, crazy. All I want is to hear their laughing and more laughing at their silly dad. Egging them on. Come on! You can do it girl! That’s what I would much rather want. Me and my crazy girls. Having fun. No anger here.
But how can I? When the other kids are running away from the warlord down the road. Playing dodgeball with the bullets. Not a sound of joy and belly laughs to be heard coming from their mouths. Just cries of pain as the bullets hit. Lucky if it misses. Dodge, dodge, dodge. That the games they play in the Congo. How can there be no anger?
I would must rather lie next to my wife. Falling asleep and hearing her breathe next to me. I can feel the stress of the day just slip away. Here is where I belong. Always telling her how much I love her. I can never say it too much or too often. And I run home because that is where I want to be. Just there next to her. My lovely wife. The one who gives me meaning. No anger here.
But how can I? When the women in Africa have to walk miles and miles just to get a drop of water for their homes. Every day. Down to the river and back. In the rush forgetting to boil it clean. And they see their families die around them. From a simple thing like drinking dirty water. How can I look at my wife and not see those women carry Africa on their backs being beaten and beaten and beaten. Day in and day out. Rape and murder. That’s what lies next to them at night. Death and destruction giving them meaning. How can there be no anger?
I would much rather just go on holiday. Maybe take a trip to Europe and visit those fancy French. Some cheese and red wine. Aah, that’s the life. Or laugh and point at Mickey and Minnie down at Disney. Maybe get away for just a week or two and visit my friend back home. Another trip to Bucks County would be nice. Just me and my three girls. Hanging out in New Hope for a drink and maybe a small piece of memory for the mantle. No anger here.
But how can I? When the only break my people get is another trade deal that fails. Or another empty promise for those dying of aids or malaria. Or the breaking of another leg as the torture continues in countries down South and East. But also here in the North and West. Broken promises to go with their broken lives. How can there be no anger?
I really just want to hang with my friends. Or drink a coffee by myself. Sip by sip. A braai and a good old fire. Learn to play the guitar like I’ve always wanted. Or write that bloody book that’s been bugging me for years. Save some money and retire early. Go for a drive in my car to watch the leaves go all rainbow in fall. The good things. That’s all I ever really want to do. Take it easy and stay easy. A smile, a laugh and good times.
I don’t want anger. I hate anger. It’s not nice. And it is not me.
Why am I angry?
I know happiness. I know what it is. I have it. Oh boy, do I have it. But I can’t enjoy it. At least not the way I want to enjoy it… Fully. I want to give myself totally to happiness. I want to live my happy days by throwing myself at it. Just living it 24/7.
That’s what pisses me off. That I can’t just enjoy life because of bigots. Because of liberty for some. Equality for those who can afford it. Freedom for those who were born free. Justice for those at the top.
I am angry because I can’t enjoy my life thanks to oppression of others. My right to have a fun time is shot to hell because of the rights of others being shot to hell. Bullet by bullet. Every warlord pisses me off because they remind me of what I am missing because of them. They are taking away my happiness because they are taking away the happiness of others.
I am angry because my friends and people I don’t even know can’t just love who they want. I love my wife. I love my wife. But the more I love her the more I am reminded of those who can’t love the way we love. That their love is somehow less meaningful than our love. I am pissed at bigots taking away happiness because they are taking away the rights of others.
I am pissed and angry for purely selfish reasons. I don’t want to fight for the rights of kids to have a shot at a life. I don’t want to fight for justice in the world trade and aid system. I don’t want to fight for the freedom of African women. I don’t want to fight for the equality of my gay friends who want to get married. I don’t want to fight for the liberty of the slaves working the sweatshops or farms in China or Africa. I don’t want to do all this crap. I want nothing to do with any of this.
I. Do. Not. Want. To. Do. This.
I just want to sit back and enjoy my life. Just me, my girls and my friends. Happy times. Good times.
But I can’t. And that is what pisses me off. That is what makes me angry. That is what makes me the Angry African.
I can only go do nothing when there is nothing to be done. When others can afford to do nothing. When everyone has a shot. You bloody people. With your rights and freedoms and liberty and equality and justice. Just have it already.
Fuck. Dammit. And everything and anything else that go with that.
I am because we are. Ubuntu.
I can only stop caring about what to watch on telly when there is nothing to care about. I can only be happy watching my kids go crazy when you have a shot at happiness. I can only have the liberty to drink my coffee sip after slow sip when you have liberty. I can only have my braai in peace when you have peace. I can only be the equal of my wife when we all are equal. I can only have justice when you have justice. My freedom is your freedom…
I can only be free when you are free.
I can only be me when you can be you.
Until then… I am the Angry African.
November 19, 2008 at 1:21 am
You’re killing people’s happy buzz by being so “angry.” In the US more than anywhere, people want to believe in being positive, in being able to do anything they want, and they often refuse to see what’s actually going on in the rest of the world (and by that I don’t mean the nearest county). I feel, too, that sometimes I have to shut my mouth at dinner because people are just fed up with hearing me talk about international politics and Africa. I’m sure they dread January, when I’m back to tell what I have seen and experienced in Kenya and Congo. But keep on writing, keep on talking, keep on being angry, keep on making people uncomfortable. Silence only serves evil…
November 19, 2008 at 3:09 am
Maybe we have the capacity to be angry because we need to get angry about what needs changing. Anger is a good thing I believe if we can use it to move us to take action to improve our lives and others’ lives. When my anger has got control of me that is when I feel out of balance. When I can use the anger to make a change then I feel in balance.
November 19, 2008 at 10:12 am
I agree with ilovemylife. Anger is our motivating force to change. It is good, angryafrican, that you are angry….. how are you using that to effect changes in the conditions you describe?
November 19, 2008 at 10:20 am
@Johanna – Talk about a buzz kill. You just suck them in with the holiday feeling and then give them a sucker punch in January… I am so proud of you!
@ilovemylife – I know and you are right. But this anger also drives a person crazy at times.
@FreetoBe – It’s what I’ve been doing for the last… Hum, let’s just say since I started my first ever job. It’s what I do for a living as well. My work is about fighting these things. From the coffee farmer in Ethiopia to the labor conditions in factories in China to global warming strategies to micro-financing for women to anti-rape initiatives in South Africa to access to medicine arguments at the WTO. It’s what I do. It’s both my “responsibility” and my job. Just sometimes it feels like I am treading water… It makes a difference but it is battles we win and not the war.
November 19, 2008 at 10:35 am
Thank you. It’s good to be angry, it’s OK to win battles. This blog of yours probably reaches a lot of people who will join you in the battles and eventually win the war.
November 19, 2008 at 12:07 pm
As always AA you make me think, and deeply. Please stop my my blog to pick up a little thing I have for ya!
November 19, 2008 at 1:50 pm
…….
November 19, 2008 at 9:57 pm
It is depressing…all the negative and mean behaviors on the planet. It is overwhelming. There are those who don’t get upset by the anger-producing stuff that continues on and on. It is those of us who do get upset that keep the planet from total insanity. Don’t you think? The world so needs us.
November 20, 2008 at 4:09 am
Nobody says it better, brother AA..!
I was waiting a little longer, but planning to post the following poem very soon on my blog -
~Let’s Help Africa~
Don’t offer me, Luxury suites with
Queenly beds to lay my head,
‘Else I will show you mud huts
In Africa with bamboo beds.
Don’t tell me, ‘Bout the latest fashion,
You think are pretty sweet,
I care more, for children in Africa,
With no shoes on their little feet.
Don’t show me Breaking news on Television,
And make me cry,
Just give your hand,
Let’s help Africa,
Then you can watch me smile.
Sita Madu Wynn
As the Christmas “frenzy” gets under way I become less and less comfortable here and just want to jump on the next plane heading south to my beloved African continent and retrieve my smile..:)
November 20, 2008 at 10:42 am
There needs to be balance. You should turn off the telly and throw it away. Recycle it and I don’t mean give it to someone else. The time spent in front of that thing is what corrupts. So many people use it as an escape not unlike a good book, except that with a book there is room to think.
I know that you work hard to improve situations in your native country, but sometimes I wonder if it isn’t that same mentality that has gotten so many natives pulled into “CIVILIZATION?” The idea that we know what is good for them, the spreading of our values and trying to make them live like we do. Every time I pick up a National Geographic and see a new native tribe, from where ever in the world. They are no longer costumed in their native gear. They are costumed like US as in us. Cheap knock off crap from China. They have lost their values and replaced them with ours.
How are you going to change the way others think when their own are a lot of times the ones that are exploiting them?
You’re Angry because of your helplessness. You’re attempting to fix symptoms and not problems, throwing sand on a fire.
Don’t crucify me for I’m am just the devils advocate.
November 20, 2008 at 11:16 am
@FreetoBe – A bit of anger never hurt anyone…
@Sherry – Thank you for that!
@Amber – Yep. I know what you mean. My anger isn’t about what is going on, but rather about the fact that it is taking my time away from my family and things I like to do.
@ilovemylife – Someone has to care hey…
@India J – Just beautiful. Thank you!
@skuttlefish – No need to crucify you! I agree with you 100%! One of the things I work hard on is to not provide people with the “answers”. The answer lies with those who has the “problem”. I should really write more about this. But in short, my work is about bringing out the answer instead of just “telling” people what I think. That is how we fix problems instead of symptoms. We are so on the same page on this. I should really write about this…
November 20, 2008 at 12:00 pm
I second Skuttlefish.
AA, Don’t hate me….
I don’t know why, but everytime I think about the suffering of people in other parts of the world, I keep thinking of Sam Kinison. I’m sure this will strike most as offensive, but oh well, there is a small part of me that feels this way:
“You want to help world hunger? Stop sending them food. Don’t send them another bite, send them U-Hauls. Send them a guy that says, “You know, we’ve been coming here giving you food for about 35 years now and we were driving through the desert, and we realized there wouldn’t BE world hunger if you people would live where the FOOD IS! YOU LIVE IN A DESERT!! UNDERSTAND THAT? YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT!! NOTHING GROWS HERE! NOTHING’S GONNA GROW HERE! Come here, you see this? This is sand. You know what it’s gonna be 100 years from now? IT’S GONNA BE SAND!! YOU LIVE IN A FUCKING DESERT! We have deserts in America, we just don’t live in them, assholes!”
November 20, 2008 at 12:18 pm
@scienkoptic – No worries boet! In fairness though… The food that goes to Africa (mostly) doesn’t go to communities in the desert. They are actually pretty well off as they have survived their for ages and there aren’t too many of them. The food goes to places like Sudan, Zimbabwe, Congo and those places where people are removed from their livelihood through wars and bad governance. Financial aid doesn’t work because the people at the top just takes it. So the food goes to the people who are stuck in the middle and had nothing to do with the wars going on around them. They would love to get out, but they are stuck. My problem comes when we try to tell an Ethiopian farmer on how to be more “sustainable” and then we fuck it up. And the problems come in when in post-war areas we bring in Western solutions to the problems. Take another example: housing. You know that all these aid agencies and governments go in and build brick houses. Great… Guess what? The traditional way of building houses in many areas of Africa is round houses made of clay and hay (or hay type materials). It sounds pretty primitive right? But there is a reason why these round houses work. It is much more effective in dealing with the climate and weather. And so much easier to fix up. That’s my problem. Not the desert guys. They know how to deal with it. But the farmers and businessmen. We bring “solutions” that actually pulls them even further down. So Sam had the right idea, just the wrong target group.
November 20, 2008 at 12:47 pm
AA-Very sensible response. I’d love to read that post, or hear about it round that camp fire next year.
November 20, 2008 at 1:22 pm
You know, sometimes I get sick of the Western World trying to find attach their solutions to other people’s problems instead of making the people part of the solution. It is always the big bwana who think they know more or know better and yet, look at what’s going on in the “First World”. More of the same.
When we destroy people’s cultural values so that we can make them consumers we also take the chance that we will always be responsible for them. Suck it up and deal with it or be a part of the solution.
So AA, keep being angry, keep talking and don’t be afraid to not let us off the hook.
November 20, 2008 at 2:21 pm
AA- Amen!
It’s just some people’s ideas about helping are just perpetuating the long term misery.
November 21, 2008 at 12:14 pm
So well said. Keep being angry. . . Maybe if enough of us get angry, something will change. ANYTHING.
November 21, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Ever see how a brick house stands up to an earthquake? I’m not talking much, just a 5, maybe…