Back from Bucks County. And back with some views on the news. It’s been a weak of news. Backward news. Let’s have a look, shall we?

1. Can’t take my eyes off of you

Poor old man McCain. He just can’t get any attention. It seems as if people, and especially the media, thinks he might be a bit boring. Big yawn. Big surprise. The most exiting thing that happens to him is when the comb-over flaps in the wind or when he puts in his teeth in the morning. Anyway… So McShame decided to show the world, or at least his closet closest friends, how unfair this all is to a senior citizen like himself. And decided to show it in a way that is a bit more hip. You know. To get with this “internets” thingy. Made up a nice clip (two actually) and posted it on YouTube. Showing to the world how unfair the media can be. Nice one. You really showed your age with this one. Or maybe not. My 4-year old won’t even do this. It is way below her standards. She is too grown up for it I guess. But then, she isn’t a Republican politician either. But then he pulled it off the site again! No, it wasn’t the early signs of ADD. Or flip-flopping. I was hoping it was his promise to “fight a good clean fight that will stay on the moral high ground”. Nope, that wasn’t it. He is already playing with the pigs. Remember the Bush man-love hug? Anyway… He pulled it because it was way to popular. And maybe illegal. Yep, the only way he could get any attention was by showing pictures and videos of Obama. Go figure. And then? He had to pull it because one of the songs they used, Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You, might have a licencing issue… Yep, the more popular the clip the more they have to pay. A bit like oil prices I guess. And now McPain realizes he will have to pay up if he wants to be watched – or at least watch Obama being watched. Hah! Dig a hole for yourself Mac. Come on. Pick the nearest forest and start digging. Or offshore. You might just find enough oil to pay for using that song. Hope it is legal. The song. And the digging. He is going to be really pissed when he hears the European Commission just extended copyright for songs to 95 years. Even he can’t outlive that.

The Obama camps denied reports that they are currently looking at posting two clips of McCain on their YouTube channel. One showing him crying in the rain to “Wish You Were Here” (Pink Floyd) and another of him throwing a hissy fit to “She Thinks His Name Was John” (Reba McEntire).

I love you so much Big Fella

I love you so much Big Fella

2. McCain knows no shame – dissing the troops

I think that McCain is becoming desperate. Really desperate. He is now willing to shred the last pieces of decency he had. I don’t know if he is losing his mind or whether he lost it months ago already. But the last inch of respect he had is being lost at a rapid pace. Why? Because he is starting to disrespect the troops. It’s fine to throw cheap shots at Obama. That’s politics the Republican way. Cheap. Shots. But playing with the troops is another thing. Using them and abusing them for cheap shots is just… hum… you know… not on. Obama decided not to visit a military hospital in Germany because the Pentagon thought that it might be inappropriate as it might be seen as playing politics. Fair call. So Obama did the right thing. Pull out of the visit. This showed his respect for the troops. Not willing to let them be pulled into politics. Good on you Obama. And then McShame decided to open his stupid mouth again. Calling Obama out for not visiting the troops. He hinted that Obama isn’t showing enough respect for the injured troops. WTF? Are you for real? You want to show some respect for the troops? Shut your mouth when it comes to the military and get the troops out of this stupid war of yours. The troops should be supported. Not your stupid mindless war. You were in the military. But not anymore. It doesn’t give you a free pass when it comes to the lives of Americans. Troops or not. Show some respect.

Oh, and while we are on the war thing. That new ad of yours where you climb into Obama for not being in Iraq often enough. Here is a wake-up call for you. You don’t need to be in Iraq to know that war was the wrong decision. Maybe even illegal. A bad decision based on bad intel. The War on Error. And not one single person who supported that decision to invade is saying they are sorry. No, they are trying to say that it is “working”. Working! Bah! Maybe our definitions of working differ slightly. Working like a bloody band aid on a broken back yes. It was wrong to go into war with Iraq and that doesn’t change no matter how many times you visit.

And Afghanistan? Go read up a bit more. Not only are we losing the War on Terror there, but also the War on Drugs. The poppy’s are blooming. We are losing the war over there because the military is stretched to the extreme. Hope it doesn’t snap. So what do you do? Move the pieces around. Troops out of Iraq and into Afghanistan. There is an old South African saying, “Slim vang sy baas.” The bright one catches his master. It means that eventually all you decision will backfire if they are wrong. And you just keep on sticking to those wrong ones baby. So, ¡Ya basta! Stop your whining and start showing some respect for those troops who are fighting your stupid war. Don’t play with them just to try and become President. It’s not on. So get off.

3. Please Mr President, just shut up

Look, it takes a damn lot to make President Bush look sharp and full of wisdom, but President Mbeki isn’t going to give up trying. At least President Bush is doing little to make things worse during the last few days of his reign. No wait. The war is still on, the economy is tanking, he wants to drill for oil no matter what or where, and he is still playing chicken with Iran, North Korea and whoever else said no to the dinner date. Okay… He can do way more damage, but so can Mbeki. Here is a man I used to support and defend. And then he lost me at… hello? Anybody there? First he made a joke of science with his Aids policies. Then he danced on the graves of human rights and logic with his “quiet diplomacy” approach to Mad Uncle Robert Mugabe over there in Zim. Both of these decisions took a special kind of leadership. Special needs more like it. It refined decision-making. Redefined stupidity in leadership. But just when you thought it can’t get any worse… He goes on to say that Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir should not be prosecuted for war crimes. WTF? (Second one for today.) Come again? The reason? Because it will mess up the peace process. You know, you can’t talk peace with a guy who is in court at the same time. Now hang on in there El Presidente Mbeki. That logic doesn’t work. Say someone breaks into my house and steals everything. Now you are arguing that we can’t charge the guy because it might hinder his rehabilitation. No, no! No, baby, no. You don’t negotiate with someone while they are bus murdering and killing the innocent. You charge them and let justice takes its course. Please President Mbeki. Show some backbone. Stop making President Bush look good. I really don’t need that right now.

4. Not Mama’s Apple Pie

So you are just sitting there having a nice piece of apple pie. As American as can be. Spoiling yourself. At Maccie D’s. And you take a deep bite. You can feel the apple pie squirm against your braces. And then… Wait! I don’t wear braces! What the hell is this piece of metal doing in my apple pie? Screw them. Metal screw in the apple pie. That’s what happened to this poor woman. But that’s not the news. Bad food at McDonald’s? What’s new. No – the real news is further down the article…

“Her nephew had also eaten an apple pie, but there were no foreign objects in his dessert.”

Haha! Come on! You ate an apple pie at Maccie D’s. Of course there were foreign objects in your dessert. It just wasn’t metal.

While we are on the fast food topic. I see The Governator Schwarzenegger banned trans fats in restaurants. Good. Right? One thing has always bugged me about banning trans fats at fast food joints. Do you really think of any health issues when you go buy a donut from Dunkin’ Donuts? Do you stop for a minute and think, “I wonder how many calories in this Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese?” I don’t. I know it is bad. I think everyone knows that eating crap food is bad for you. This trans fat debate is a bit too nanny state to me. Too English. Not American. Eat crap and die.

5. Stop Press! Money to Democrats!

Those slightly crazy right wingers at NewsBusters and American Thinker really got their backs up this week. Because they just “proved” that the media is biased. You see, the media is giving more money to Democrats than to Republicans. And about 235 journalists gave money to the Democrats compared to 20 to Republicans. And who said the media is stupid? It isn’t a lot of money. About $225,000 compared to $16,000. But still. Why are they doing it? NewsBusters and the stupidity gang argues that the media is biased. But even Fox gave to the Democrats and not to the Republicans. So that can’t be right. I mean NewsBusters and American Drinker Thinker adore and pray at the feet of Fox. So what’s the reason then? I have an alternative theory. The media is giving money to the Democrats because they are sick and tired of getting screwed for nothing by Bush and the Repugnants Republicans. They are arguing that if they are going to get screwed they might just pay for the more entertaining lot. And better looking as well. I mean really. You don’t know where those Republicans have been before. Apart from airport toilets that is. Also, you pay for something that is worthwhile. Will you pay to watch a re-run of Gigli or the Adventures of Pluto Nash? You know what the Republicans are all about. Been there and done that. No reason to pay for it and see it again. It was aweful the last time around and you know it won’t be better the next time either. Not when you have the real blockbuster coming right up – the Democrats are the movie for next summer. You don’t know if it will be any good, but you know it will be a damn lot better than the bad show of last years and yesterday. No it isn’t the media being biased. It’s the media deciding that it is better to pay for hope than get screwed for nothing by dope.


See ya’ll later.

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You know me. Pretty much a patriotic South African. Proud of our history. And deeply affected by Madiba – Nelson Mandela. I think the guy did an incredible job starting us off on the right track. Oh, we had a few other great leaders as well. But Madiba was our big daddy. Our Patriot. The John Adams of South Africa. The man who fought so hard to bring freedom to our little country down South. Just like John Adams and the other Patriots did over here in the US. (Oh yes, just like with the US, most of our subsequent leaders have been less “patriotic”, loved, reputable and effective as leaders than those original Founding Fathers.) So, I read with interest the recent flood of opinions regarding Nelson Mandela needing a special waiver to enter the US because he is still classified as a terrorist. As a South African I will refrain from commenting on whether he is a terrorist or not. That should be obvious. I will also refrain from blaming President Bush or Vice President Dick Cheney for this as that would be easy, but also opportunistic and a cheap shot. The fact is that President Mandela’s good friend President Bill Clinton had 8 years to undo this injustice. As did his partner Senator Clinton. I am more concerned with the policy behind this terror list and the message it sends to other “liberation” organizations and individuals across the world.

Nelson Mandela, and the African National Congress that he belonged to, were put on the list because the US government supported the Apartheid regime’s classification of the ANC as a terrorist organization. This indicated support of the Apartheid regime by the US government – both Republicans and Democrats. Again, I will refrain from discussing the Apartheid regime. I think we can all agree that it was a regime based on one of the most unjust and oppressive political systems in modern history. Really, take it from me and the people who suffered and died at the hands of that regime, they were not a nice bunch of guys to be associated with. Trust me, your mother will be most disappointed if you hung out with them.

On the other hand, the ANC was a peaceful organization for most of its history. It was established in 1912 in direct reaction to being excluded from having any political rights under the Union constitution of 1910. They remained an organization who believed in peaceful protest against the oppressive governments that gave no political rights to black South Africans. They did not even revert to violence when widows of black soldiers who died fighting in WWII received no pension whatsoever. It was only after 69 people were shot, mostly schoolchildren shot in the back, on 21 March 1960 in Sharpeville that the ANC got banned for calling a national stay-away campaign. Note, still no violence called for by the ANC – just a stay-away. It was only after more murdering by the Apartheid government and the arrest of more than 2,000 people that the ANC took up the armed struggle against the Apartheid government – while they were banned from South Africa. Their “military wing”, Umkhonto we Sizwe(Spear of the Nation), was only established in 1961. They officially took up arms when exiled. They took up arms when their people got murdered, arrested and taxed to death and they were banned from being in South Africa to represent the oppressed in even a peaceful way. Remember this bit – people being taxed, not represented in government, no ownership, murdered and arrested left, right and centre AND their “party” being banned even though they are promoting peaceful resistance.

In short, the ANC was a peaceful organization for 48 years before they took up arms. And only after they got banned and people were murdered in public did they take up arms. And they continued this armed struggle against the Apartheid regime for the next 30 years. So yes, they were peaceful for much longer than what they were in the armed struggle. But still the US and many other Western governments declared them a terrorist organization. And before you get on your high horse – they only started taking in money and support from the old USSR when all those Western governments refused to provide them with any support against the Apartheid regime. Many, many years after they got banned and classified as a terrorist organization. A case of “the enemy of my enemy is my friend…”

Let me put this in language and context you might get. A bit closer to home. Imagine you live in the US. Peacefully. Oh, there is a colonial power in charge, but you don’t care much for them. But then they start shooting your people when they protest against the unjust laws and taxes these colonial powers instituted against your people. And, of course, you don’t have full representation – only token representation. So after many years of continued oppression you say “enough is enough” and you stand up and have a big old war for independence. And you take support from anyone – even those who also have oppressive systems in place in their own country. Let’s say like asking the French monarchy for support even though they did not give their own people the rights you were fighting for and who were an oppressiveregime to their own people. Oh, wait – that happened here right? Imagine that, those Patriots who stood up against the British rule would have been branded a terrorist group if the current US application of the term terrorist was used by the colonial master back then. See, the ANC was like the Patriots back when you fought for your independence… And I for one will defend John Adams and anyone else who dare call them terrorists. They were freedom fighters on the side of the good and the brave. On the side of the oppressed. They were the good guys. They were the brave guys. Full stop. Not terrorists.

But the problem they would face today is that there is no clear guidelines on what will constitute a terrorist organization in the eyes of the US government.

So, does the US classify organizations based on their opposition to legitimate governments? No. As the case in South Africa highlights, the US government supported an oppressive regime and not those seeking democracy. It did the same in Angola and in Mozambique. It supported the warlords in both those countries who fought the legitimate governments. Governments who continued to win the popular democratic votes in elections from before, during and after the wars that ravished these countries. And, of course, the US supported the Taliban, Saddam Hussein and many Latin American dictators who were as oppressive as these African and Middle Eastern dictators. Yes, it was during the Cold War, but it still… The US build their partnership in the same way the ANC did – not being picky, but just picking anyone who will fight against the injustice they believe their own people will or are facing. Both picked dirty friends. And neither of them can claim that the other one had “worse” friends than the other. You willing to make a call on whether you would prefer the Taliban or a Communist? Not an easy choice is it? A bit like a pan and a fire choice I think. Hello pot, cheers kettle.

But it still leaves the question open – does the US classify organizations as terrorist if they take up arms against any type of government then? No. The US government is not averse to supporting organizations who take up arms. As mentioned before, they supported violent groups in Mozambique and Angola. And they have continued to do so – who can forget the call to arms of Iraqi’s during the first Gulf War? And the direct or indirect support for those who take up arms against oppressive regimes.

So what is a terrorist in the eyes of the US government? Who knows? And that has been the problem with declassifying Nelson Mandela as terrorist. We have no clear guidelines. How can we declassify someone when we don’t know the classification in the first place? It’s a bit like just building a road and seeing where it takes us. Or a railroad. And remember the big railroad bubble of 1893? This road is just waiting to blow up in our face and create panic.

At the very least we need to know what a terrorist is. I don’t mean some global definition we can all agree on. I am not that naive. All I can ask is for the US to have a clear definition. But there isn’t. Do yourself a favour – try and find a clear definition anywhere in the US laws. Too vague and too many loopholes. How can we win a war against terrorism if we can’t even define who or what is a terrorist? So far we have been more or less lucky. Al-Qaeda and the Taliban were relatively easy calls. Sadam not so easy. And the more we go into this “War Against Terrorism” the more fuzzy it will become. I would really like Nelson Mandela to not be classified as a terrorist. And I really don’t want us to start a war against the next John Adams and his group of Patriots. He was a Patriot. And so was Mandela. Let’s not shoot at anything that moves. Not every shadow is a threat. Let’s know who we fight. Because how else would we know when we have won?

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No more bad news! Okay. Just a little bit. It’s been another week. Of weak. And lots happening in the US. Politics as usual. This week we’ll stick to the US – like we did with Africa last week. Watch out UK! You’re up next week.

1. Been there, not done that

Old man McCain has been at it again. Even with his memory failing he still manages to somehow try and attack Obama. On Iraq. He is climbing into Obama for not having been in Iraq since 2006. Fair enough. But my question is why should Obama go in the first place? To get the “facts” as McCain would like to call it? Well, I don’t think you need to go to Iraq to get the “facts”? Let’s see what McCain learned from his trips to Iraq, shall we? He got the “enemy” wrong – confusing Sunni and Shiite (or Sonny and Cher as he calls them as it is the only thing that will stick. Something from back in the 70s. And speak slowly and loudly please). Now really, I would like a Presidential candidate to at least get the enemy right. We would have invaded Switzerland if we had him in charge during WWII. And the battle for Fiji would still be going on – for at least a 100 years fighting the wrong country. Anyway. Maybe we should ask him why he didn’t go back to the market he went to the last time he went (before his last trip). You know why? Because it was too unsafe… And then he stood there in the “safe place” and tell us how well it is going down there in Miami Beach… Tell me, why stay a 100 years if it is going so well? No McLame, you being in Iraq doesn’t mean that you actually know anything about Iraq. Not if you only speak to the people who are “managing” your trip. That’s called a guided holiday tour and not a fact finding mission. Get with it. Or get out of it. Man, it is just torture listening to you. Maybe even worse than water-boarding.

2. Sleeping with the enemy

I guess Cindy only making $6 million last year andMcCain not making any money at all (according to his income statements), makes it a bit tough on the purse strings out there in the McDime household. We know McTame shops at Costco.  Nothing wrong with that. Just interesting that he only gave us this “news” now. Can’t be that he is trying to play to the Costco crowd is it? Nah. Not McShame. Not Mr Straight Talking Derailed Express I guess? Anyway. It seems as if he is forced to go cap in hand to the guy who kicked his backside back in 2000 – George W. Yes, the same guy who spat on him and smeared him back then is all of a sudden his BFFF. (Threw in an extra “F” just for good measure. They deserve an extra F-word.) Yes, McDrain is hanging out with the guy with the money. Being pimped by Bush to his corporate buddies. You get the money today and they get their “favours” if you step into that big old white house on the hill. Have you no shame sir? I tend to stay away from people if they stab me in the back. I don’t pimp for money. Or sell my soul. Principles. It’s a nice thing to have. And easy to check at the door I guess.

3. The Bush snitch

It’s very interesting how people are taking about the McClellan book. Here is a guy people on the left didn’t like because he was spinning the Bush stories and now he comes out and tells us the truth. Guess what. Saying Bush lied or at least spun stories and left out key info when making decisions about a war is all of a sudden a surprise? Only problem – this guy was actually there. Not a guided tour like McCain in Iraq, but actually there when the spinning and half-truths went on. And now he is being called a snitch and a traitor by those who loved him before. Name calling. So mature. But the problem is that they have nothing else to say. They can’t refute what he has to say. Because he was there. And no one is denying what he said is true. If he lied they will be on him so quickly you won’t even be able to hear the word “sue” as he flew into court. But Bush and buddies can only stand there and call him names. Because they know it is true. I am reading the story of Cynthia Cooper, the WorldCom whistleblower. And it happens to almost every single person who comes out and speaks the truth against those in power. They get called names and everyone tries to intimidate them. Because when the truth is out they have nothing but threats and name calling left. My take? Burn baby, burn. Sticks and stones Fox. Sticks and stones Bush. Throw the insults this way. But the lies don’t last. They all eventually come out. Just ask Nixon. As we say in South Africa, “Skelm vet braai uit.”

4. The crusade in Iraq

Look, this is a difficult one. The soldiers fighting in Iraq needs nothing but admiration from us. They do a dirty job for tainted politicians. They are the heart and soul of this country. But even they make mistakes. And two big ones in a matter of a week. First there was the guy who took the Qur’an for target shooting. Stop. Before you try to justify it. Think about it. Put yourself in the shoes of the other side. Imagine you are being “liberated” by an army that are made up of mostly Muslims. And then they take the Bible and shoot it full of holes. You wouldn’t like it would you. How would you expect them to behave and what would you do in relatiation? Now a US marine has been handing out Christian coins to Iraqis at a checkpoint. With John 3:16 on one side. I don’t blame the marine. Of course he should have known better. And of course he doesn’t reflect the majority of guys over there. But still. Let’s look a bit closer and see why this is happening. Well, it doesn’t help if your President started this war and called it a “crusade”. Another “misspeak” I guess. Funny that – how often politicians do that. I would get fired if I made so many stupid remarks andmistakes. Calling it a crusade? Really… How do you think some of the troops will think about their role then? Of course there is a bigger problem. The guys just aren’t geared for this type of war. This isn’t a “there is the enemy, let’s get him” type of war. They hide, they move, they are around you, and they don’t wear nice uniforms to make the target easier to identify. The training and weaponry just aren’t geared for this type of war. This is almost peace keeping. And regular armies just isn’t geared for it. Not that the UN would be better. But at least they will be better geared to be culturally sensitive. But they are in a difficult corner – most people don’t like this war and if they get involved they indirectly justify the Bush war. More needed on the heart and minds bits I think. I once met a guy with the coolest title – Wing Commander. He was British. And his job was propaganda. Winning the hearts andminds of the locals. But they forget the one key ingredient – it’s the soldiers on the ground who will be the face of America (and the UK). You have to put more effort in to get them to be sensitive to local culture and taboos. If not – well, it’s just a flip of the coin and you had it.

5. Half-a-dozen of one and six of the other?

it’s a bit of a mess isn’t it? This whole Florida and Michigan thing – Florigan Gate. Well, it depends on how you count it I guess. If you seat half the people or make their vote count 50%. Doesn’t seem like much of a difference hey? Oh, but it is my dear friend. The devil is in the detail. You see, if they let everyone sit, but only allow their vote to count 50% then Clinton gains 19 delegates. But if they half the number of delegates then her gain is only 6 delegates. Man. These Democrats really can’t do the math can they? Even Einstein and Newton had a Democrat exclusion rule. For Newton it was that his explanation of Universal Gravitation and three laws of motion only counts if their are no Democrats in the room. Einstein argued that his theory of relativity only holds as long as there are no Democrat relatively close by. Oh, they had a Republican one as well – that no theory exists if the President or God didn’t write it down themselves. Or if the Constitution didn’t specifically mention it in the 2nd Amendment. But Democrats and their fuzzy logic. Really guys. My take? Stuff Michigan and Florida. If you let them through this time – what do you think will happen in 2012? Will we have one serious Super Tuesday on 3 January 2012? With each and every state having their big “do” on the same day? Well, not a bad idea. It will put us out of our HillBillary pain in a single day I guess. Go Florida! Oh, you too Michigan.

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Here we go again…

1. They virtually found Bin Laden

It’s been going on for months. Hunting down the Recruiters. Those terrorists who prey on the young and vulnerable. These terrorists are smart. They play the game the way the kids do. It starts with a chat. And it moves on to training at a special place – behind the guarded gates. Well, we now know the terrorists are hiding just behind those gates. If only we knew how to get in. You never know. Bin Laden might be hiding behind those walls. Who knows. Who knows. Problem is that the gates are difficult to get past. Not only is it heavily guarded, but it is virtually coded. What? I am talking about the government agency IARPA hunting down terrorists in the virtual gaming world. IARPA is not a character name, but out there to find new and innovative ways to hunt down terrorists. Cool idea. Really. No, really. I think they should try every angle to find those bastards. You never know, we might at last find out where Bin Laden has been hiding… Problem is that it seems as if they are struggling just as much to find virtual terrorists than real ones. So far they have only managed to hunt down a few kids who fit the profile. Wonder if they have thought of having a virtual “Gitmo” as well? Hey, torture is allowed in the virtual world. No need for a memo there.

2. The dark side of Global Warming

A lot have been said about Global Warming. The debate is raging on and on and on. Every scientist forms a new group with a new theory. Some deny it and other tell us about the new apocalypse. It’s become part of our cultural debate. Day in and day out. Households are torn. Father deny it’s getting hotter – it’s just the central heating that needs to be turned down. Daughters cry and accuse their parents of killing this little world they hoped to inherit. Friends are arguing in the ballparks (is Manny getting thinner because of the sauna affect?) and debating in the bars. Yes. It’s Global Warming – the OJ trail of nature. But we might just have reached tipping point. Where all those SUV and pick-up driving deniers of Global Warming might have met their maker. They are turning to the pro side now. Urging government to do something before this world of ours goes up in a ball of smoke. And who should we thank? Beer! Yes, good old beer. It seems as if Global Warming will hit that one place that really hurt – the beer belly. Beer experts (not the “expert” drinking type) are saying that those precious crops are in danger of getting hit by the hotter weather. So we won’t even be able to have a cold one when the frying starts. (Damn. Damn you all.) Now that is something that will get everyone hot under the collar.

3. Are you just happy to see me?

Is that a _______ in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? In Frisco – city of fun – it got a whole new meaning this week. San Francisco voted a while back that they wanted to ban all handguns in the city. I think they thought they were already a barrel of fun and didn’t need anything more to prove that they are men. I don’t know if it was because I visited them earlier in the week, but the “will of the people” of San Francisco was overturned this week. The ban on handguns got overturned – thank you NRA. Now the place where men are well… pretty much anything they want to be, can carry their concealed weapons again. And we can again ask them – is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Actually, I don’t know if it needs to be concealed or whether it means they can just let it all hang out. It is Frisco after all. Back to “if you’ve got it – flaunt it” I guess.

4. McCain and Jeffrey Dahmer

These so-called Conservatives just don’t know about being subtle do they? And one of the speakers, David Bellavia, said, “Rest assured that people like Senator McCain will be the goal and the men that my two young boys will emulate an admire. You can have your Tiger Woods. We have Senator McCain.” Now where do I even start with this? Was he trying to be funny? About the best golfer in the world? You want to tell me there wasn’t a racial tone in this? That people should support Phil Michelson and not the black dude that is beating his ass week in and week out? Okay – let’s play the race game. “Rest assured that people like Senator Obama will be the goal and the men that my two young girls will emulate an admire. You can have your Jeffrey Dahmer (or any other bad white dude). We have Senator Obama.” Puh-lease. Stop the racial slurs – you are not even being subtle. You are just being stupid. Next thing is you will start calling the Vietnamese gooks. Oh, sorry – you did.

5. RIP Robert Mugabe… or maybe not

Bob, Bob, Bob. What the hell are we going to do with you? I mean really. This is not even funny anymore. You control the newspapers. You control the television. You control the radio. You control the farms. You control the army. You control the police. You control the economy. Oh, sorry – you don’t control the economy. Not at 100,000% inflation. (Not a joke.) But you control everything in Zimbabwe except the economy and your wife’s shopping at Harrod’s. You even control the judicial system and the elections. You set up the Zim election body and filled it with your guys. And then you somehow still manage to lose the election! How the bloody hell did you get that right? I mean come on. You are giving tyrants across the world a bad name. At least you are standing up and refusing to even give us the official results a week after all the other results are in – even after it was posted outside the poll stations. And arrested your own puppets who ran the elections – demanding a recount. I guess your education system is failing faster than the economy. Your own puppets can’t even add enough votes for you to win. And it looks like you are staging a coup against the government of Zimbabwe. Wait a minute. You are the government of Zimbabwe. Sorry Bob. It is getting a bit much now. Just get the hell out of there for us to start looking after your people. It is obvious you can’t hear their crying and dying. Bye-bye Bob. The sooner the better.

That’s it folks. See ya all next week for more news. Maybe…

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Another week. And another week of weak news. Let’s have a look at some of the highlights.

1. Yoo-hoo, wake up and smell the torture

Sorry to start on such a downer. But let’s get the bad news out the way first. We now know the author of the “torture” memo. John Yoo. No, not John Woo. He makes torture movies – completely different thing. Some of his movies can be used to torture us if we paid the bucks to watch it, but the outcome is generally much less dramatic than the ending… Anyway… John Yoo, author of such brilliant lines that said interrogators could legally use a number of unspecified techniques as long as they did not violate his definition of torture, which was “intense pain or suffering of the kind that is equivalent to the pain that would be associated with serious injury so severe that death, organ failure or permanent damage resulting in a loss of significant body functions will likely result.” Poetry. Isn’t it… Anyway… To torture or not to torture, that is not the question. My two sets of questions to Mr Yoo and to President Bush: (i) Mr Yoo-hoo, so it’s okay to torture in “Gitmo” and not elsewhere? But you didn’t give the opinion on whether it is acceptable to torture in places like Iraq? You assume it isn’t, but you never gave a legal opinion on that. Also, Mr Yoo, leaving your legal counsel aside, do you think it is morally acceptable? Before your answer, isn’t the law our societal way to define what is morally acceptable or not? Mr Yoo, Yoo-hoo, wake up and smell the torture. I hope you like the blood on your hands. My second set of questions – to President Bush. (ii) President Bush, you think this is morally acceptable? I know you think it is legally acceptable, but is it morally acceptable? If not, then what do we do? And the same as what I ask Mr Yoo – should the legal system not reflect what society wants as boundaries of morality? Also, I am sure you did not make a decision to allow torture lightly, but can you explain to me the answer you gave at a G8 meeting in 2004 (transcript) to these questions?

Question: “Mr. President, the Justice Department issued and advisory opinion last year declaring that, as commander in chief, you have the authority to order any kind of interrogation techniques that are necessary to pursue the war on terror. Were you aware of this advisory opinion? Do you agree with it? And did you issue any such authorization at any time?”

President Bush: “The authorization I issued was that anything we did would conform to U.S. law and would be consistent with international treaty obligations. That’s the message I gave our people.”

Question: “Have you seen the memos?”

President Bush: “I can’t remember if I’ve seen the memo or not, but I gave those instructions.”

A decision on whether torture is allowed or not and you didn’t read the memo? A memo that would tell you that you can or can not allow someone to e tortured and you can’t remember if you read it? I am sure that most people would remember if they read a memo that just said that they can torture people. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Even if you didn’t read the memo – did you know about the content of the memo and what it meant or did you give an order based on a memo you did not read or know the substance of?

Yoo-hoo. Wake up and smell the torture.

2. Law and behold – not

This one makes my head hurt a bit. Mike Jerkoff – sorry, I mean Michael Chertoff, Homeland Security Secretary – is acting slightly insecure by waiving more laws than at any other stage since they started building the fence. 36 of them. Good logic. Let’s break a few laws to keep them. Laws being waived include National Park Service Organic Act, the Safe Drinking Water Act, the Clean Air Act, the Antiquities Act, and the Native American Graves Protection Act. Ouch. Stuff the water, vegetation, graves and wildlife. Just to make it easier to build a fence and keep people off the grass. I know how he feels though. I have so much red tape to go through to keep the bloody neighbour’s dog from sh*tting in my yard. But he reminded us that we should, of course, obey the law at all times. Just not him. But here is the clincher. He also stated that we need to remember that people who are here illegally should comply to the law. Huh? Duh! So, let me get this straight… He is breaking the law to ensure no one is breaking the law and him breaking the law won’t really stop people from breaking the law and he is breaking the law to stop people who have broken the law and we must not break the law he is breaking and we must remember to not break the law if we break the law. I wish we had a law for logic. But I guess that one is broken too…

3. Mac eating his pork

Mac is the man. He is against pork. Oh, yes he is. And he don’t lie mista. He railed against earmarks and “pork barrel projects” on Fox and Friends as “an egregious process.” “It’s symptom of the problems in Washington that people exercise their political clout to get things done that they otherwise wouldn’t,” said McCain. That’s our man – protecting the taxpayers money. Thanks Mac, I might not need that $300 at all if you carry on the way you do. Just wait a stinking minute there Mac. Where did you make the speech again? Cecil Field hey? Is that burning pork chops I smell? Between 2001 and 2005 Cecil Field got almost $10 million dollars in earmarked funds – a pork-proud venue. Hey, you weren’t responsible right? Of course you aren’t. But it is odd that you voted for those Defense Appropriation Conference Reports that contained those earmarks in 2004 and 2005. I just hope that you show a little bit more insight (or foresight) if you become President. The last thing I would want you to do is step into a place and opening your mouth without knowing what is actually going on in that place. Can you say Iraq?

4. Money for the greasemonkey

Not all greenies are goodies. Or bright. Mr Dave Dick-son, sorry David Richardson, got arrested in California for trying to steal used cooking grease from a Burger King restaurant. He got caught while trying to pump it into his tanker truck – caught greasy-handed. Okay, maybe someone should tell the dude that Burger King would be more than happy to give it away for free if you just ask. No wait. They make my Whopper with that stuff – don’t they? But you could ask you know. You never know, they might give it away instead of trying to flush it down the toilet or dump it in the flowerbeds outside Whole Foods. Oh, he should also remember that although cooking grease is a green biodiesel, the future is all algae. But I guess McDonald’s were closed. What? You didn’t think they used real beef did you?

5. Angry African on the Loose makes Top 10 Bloggers List!

Yes, can you believe it. I made it at last! I am now officially one of the Top 10 Bloggers in the world! The world baby! Some of the reviews said, “Angry African on the Loose is the leading voice of the Socialist Conservatives on the web today”, “Angry’s story on the quantum dynamics of Africanism is already a classic, and “Angry African is what every white guy in France wishes he could be”. The International Institute of Anarchists and the Socialist Society of Conservatives both gave good old me the top honor in this years BuggerAll Awards. Yes. I won bugger all – nada, nothing, zilch, zero. But I wish I could do what some guys on Facebook did. Rate themselves! Yes, application builders on Facebook found a new way to ensure they get positive reviews for their applications. They just did it themselves. Pure genius. Or maybe not. The people all came from the same company – Slide. And the “independent users” had names like Adora Slidesix, Adora Slideeight, Adora Slideeleven… Really people. Just let it slide. This isn’t rocket science you know. This isn’t even physical ed. This is what happened to the kids from “Leave no child behind”.

That’s all folks. See ya next week. Maybe.

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