Another week. And another week of weak news. Let’s have a look at some of the highlights.

1. Yoo-hoo, wake up and smell the torture

Sorry to start on such a downer. But let’s get the bad news out the way first. We now know the author of the “torture” memo. John Yoo. No, not John Woo. He makes torture movies – completely different thing. Some of his movies can be used to torture us if we paid the bucks to watch it, but the outcome is generally much less dramatic than the ending… Anyway… John Yoo, author of such brilliant lines that said interrogators could legally use a number of unspecified techniques as long as they did not violate his definition of torture, which was “intense pain or suffering of the kind that is equivalent to the pain that would be associated with serious injury so severe that death, organ failure or permanent damage resulting in a loss of significant body functions will likely result.” Poetry. Isn’t it… Anyway… To torture or not to torture, that is not the question. My two sets of questions to Mr Yoo and to President Bush: (i) Mr Yoo-hoo, so it’s okay to torture in “Gitmo” and not elsewhere? But you didn’t give the opinion on whether it is acceptable to torture in places like Iraq? You assume it isn’t, but you never gave a legal opinion on that. Also, Mr Yoo, leaving your legal counsel aside, do you think it is morally acceptable? Before your answer, isn’t the law our societal way to define what is morally acceptable or not? Mr Yoo, Yoo-hoo, wake up and smell the torture. I hope you like the blood on your hands. My second set of questions – to President Bush. (ii) President Bush, you think this is morally acceptable? I know you think it is legally acceptable, but is it morally acceptable? If not, then what do we do? And the same as what I ask Mr Yoo – should the legal system not reflect what society wants as boundaries of morality? Also, I am sure you did not make a decision to allow torture lightly, but can you explain to me the answer you gave at a G8 meeting in 2004 (transcript) to these questions?

Question: “Mr. President, the Justice Department issued and advisory opinion last year declaring that, as commander in chief, you have the authority to order any kind of interrogation techniques that are necessary to pursue the war on terror. Were you aware of this advisory opinion? Do you agree with it? And did you issue any such authorization at any time?”

President Bush: “The authorization I issued was that anything we did would conform to U.S. law and would be consistent with international treaty obligations. That’s the message I gave our people.”

Question: “Have you seen the memos?”

President Bush: “I can’t remember if I’ve seen the memo or not, but I gave those instructions.”

A decision on whether torture is allowed or not and you didn’t read the memo? A memo that would tell you that you can or can not allow someone to e tortured and you can’t remember if you read it? I am sure that most people would remember if they read a memo that just said that they can torture people. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. Even if you didn’t read the memo – did you know about the content of the memo and what it meant or did you give an order based on a memo you did not read or know the substance of?

Yoo-hoo. Wake up and smell the torture.

2. Law and behold – not

This one makes my head hurt a bit. Mike Jerkoff – sorry, I mean Michael Chertoff, Homeland Security Secretary - is acting slightly insecure by waiving more laws than at any other stage since they started building the fence. 36 of them. Good logic. Let’s break a few laws to keep them. Laws being waived include National Park Service Organic Act, the Safe Drinking Water Act, the Clean Air Act, the Antiquities Act, and the Native American Graves Protection Act. Ouch. Stuff the water, vegetation, graves and wildlife. Just to make it easier to build a fence and keep people off the grass. I know how he feels though. I have so much red tape to go through to keep the bloody neighbour’s dog from sh*tting in my yard. But he reminded us that we should, of course, obey the law at all times. Just not him. But here is the clincher. He also stated that we need to remember that people who are here illegally should comply to the law. Huh? Duh! So, let me get this straight… He is breaking the law to ensure no one is breaking the law and him breaking the law won’t really stop people from breaking the law and he is breaking the law to stop people who have broken the law and we must not break the law he is breaking and we must remember to not break the law if we break the law. I wish we had a law for logic. But I guess that one is broken too…

3. Mac eating his pork

Mac is the man. He is against pork. Oh, yes he is. And he don’t lie mista. He railed against earmarks and “pork barrel projects” on Fox and Friends as “an egregious process.” “It’s symptom of the problems in Washington that people exercise their political clout to get things done that they otherwise wouldn’t,” said McCain. That’s our man – protecting the taxpayers money. Thanks Mac, I might not need that $300 at all if you carry on the way you do. Just wait a stinking minute there Mac. Where did you make the speech again? Cecil Field hey? Is that burning pork chops I smell? Between 2001 and 2005 Cecil Field got almost $10 million dollars in earmarked funds – a pork-proud venue. Hey, you weren’t responsible right? Of course you aren’t. But it is odd that you voted for those Defense Appropriation Conference Reports that contained those earmarks in 2004 and 2005. I just hope that you show a little bit more insight (or foresight) if you become President. The last thing I would want you to do is step into a place and opening your mouth without knowing what is actually going on in that place. Can you say Iraq?

4. Money for the greasemonkey

Not all greenies are goodies. Or bright. Mr Dave Dick-son, sorry David Richardson, got arrested in California for trying to steal used cooking grease from a Burger King restaurant. He got caught while trying to pump it into his tanker truck – caught greasy-handed. Okay, maybe someone should tell the dude that Burger King would be more than happy to give it away for free if you just ask. No wait. They make my Whopper with that stuff – don’t they? But you could ask you know. You never know, they might give it away instead of trying to flush it down the toilet or dump it in the flowerbeds outside Whole Foods. Oh, he should also remember that although cooking grease is a green biodiesel, the future is all algae. But I guess McDonald’s were closed. What? You didn’t think they used real beef did you?

5. Angry African on the Loose makes Top 10 Bloggers List!

Yes, can you believe it. I made it at last! I am now officially one of the Top 10 Bloggers in the world! The world baby! Some of the reviews said, “Angry African on the Loose is the leading voice of the Socialist Conservatives on the web today”, “Angry’s story on the quantum dynamics of Africanism is already a classic, and “Angry African is what every white guy in France wishes he could be”. The International Institute of Anarchists and the Socialist Society of Conservatives both gave good old me the top honor in this years BuggerAll Awards. Yes. I won bugger all – nada, nothing, zilch, zero. But I wish I could do what some guys on Facebook did. Rate themselves! Yes, application builders on Facebook found a new way to ensure they get positive reviews for their applications. They just did it themselves. Pure genius. Or maybe not. The people all came from the same company – Slide. And the “independent users” had names like Adora Slidesix, Adora Slideeight, Adora Slideeleven… Really people. Just let it slide. This isn’t rocket science you know. This isn’t even physical ed. This is what happened to the kids from “Leave no child behind”.

That’s all folks. See ya next week. Maybe.

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