Let’s see if May will be better. Because April was pretty weak.

1. Bob, it’s getting stupid now

Bob “Crazy Bastard” Mugabe is just not getting it. And I really mean he is not getting it. The vote. He lost the general election even though he controls the media. He lost the election even though he gave government employees a raise. He lost the election even though the police and army intimidated people. He lost the election even though he selected the “independent” body running the election. And then he arrested a few of those election officials he put in place. And he let his dogs loose on the people who voted him and his puppets party out. And had he demanded a recount. And he still lost the election! But of course he isn’t going anywhere. Bob, really. Even the Liberian President thinks you should go. You just aren’t getting it hey? Just piss off and go now. You are giving tyrants a bad name.

2. Happy birthday dear Adolf

Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Republican congressional candidate of Indiana, Tony Zirkle, went to celebrate the birthday of Hitler. A big bash given by the American National Socialist Workers Party in Chicago. WTF? Just follow the link. They even have a photo of the guy in front of a Hitler picture. And you bitch about Obama guys? Start cleaning that pigsty out right away mista! But here is the part I just love – his reason for going… Because he was invited. But wait! The best is yet to come. He says he that he goes to everything he gets invited to. “I’ll speak before any group that invites me,” said Zirkle “I’ve spoken on an African-American radio station in Atlanta.” WTF? Hitler and an African-American radio station? WTF? Do I need to say more?

3. Does it count as an extra shot?

Well, now that my coffee secret is out… It seems as baristas have been blabbing as well. About their top ten things us coffee drinkers should know. The little things that really peeves them off and a few dark secrets as well. A few stood out for me. They want you to know that not every shop is a Starbucks. Thanks people. I know that. Sad evidence that there is more work to be done. I sometimes have to walk to the next corner before I get to my beloved Starbucks. I guess it works off the sugar rush. Did you know baristas get black fingers from all that coffee? Makes sense. It accounts for 80% of my tan. But what I want to know – does it count as an extra shot if they dump their fingers in my coffee? But the one that stood out for me, and made things so much clearer… They develop crushes on their customers. It makes perfect sense. My barista always asked for my name and now she remembers it (still not spelling it right though). And she knows my order. And she smiles at me. It must be a crush. Why else would she do all that? It can’t be the service or the fact that I am there every hour or so. I know it is a crush. It can’t be just the grind of the coffee shop.

4. Hillary, you are still a Senator – act like one

Okay, maybe I just don’t get American politics. But tell me, if you run for President – are you still a Senator? I thought you were? So how come they don’t act like it? All of a sudden Hillary and McCain talks about a “gas holiday” for the poor American drivers during the summer holidays. It’s open for debate whether this is a good thing or not. But Senator McLame and HillBillary, you are still Senators. Why don’t you push for that at the Senate? You can if you really believe in it. That is part of your current job. Or have you forgotten? But I tell you why you don’t. Because you are pandering and opportunistic. You will attack Obama for standing up for what he believes on gas prices. But you don’t want to tell the truth to Americans. You don’t care about the gas prices or else you would do something about it now. The gas holiday can be done by you now if you really want to do something. And not just use it to score a few points while running. Yes, attack the guy with the unpopular position. Because you will sell your soul to sound like you care. There is a difference you know – between caring and acting like you care. Go do your job if you really care. If not, shut up and run for President in an honorable way. Stop the bull. Gas as I know it is also known as hot air. You both are full of it.

5. Thank God for Global Warming

You know I think we might fry over the next few years. But it seems as if that won’t be happening soon. Nope. The “experts” are actually predicting cooler weather over the next 10 years. Damn. I just thought I got the hang of this Global Warming thing. Isn’t it meant to say that the world heats up a bit. Or is it just my limited command of the English language that is confusing me here? Whatever. it will now get cooler over the next few years. And I live in Massachusetts. It gets damn cold for an African over here. We think 70 Fahrenheit is a nice day to wrap up in some nice warm clothes, start the fire and get the pot going. So 15 Fahrenheit is a bit chilly for us. I can’t even start explaining what all freezes when it gets this cold. In short, we don’t handle cold weather well. So thank God for Global Warming. It has a positive purpose after all. At least in the short term. Imagine how cold it would get over the next 10 years if we didn’t have Global Warming. The Big Freeze is controlled by the Big Heat. Something to look forward to. Some balmy weather for the next few years at least. Now. Guys. Please. Can we just stick to one story at a time? It’s getting a bit hot in the kitchen right now. Too much hot air. Or not.

Have a good one all. Back with more views next week. I am off to collect some wood to stockpile for the Big Freeze coming.

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