Some of my best friends are gay… I just had to use that line! I have been waiting to use it for ages. In fact, I think I have way more gay friends than what I might realize. Mainly because I pretty much don’t care if they are gay or not. I don’t ask them and sometimes only find out once they introduce me to their partners. Or as I would like to call them – their boyfriends or husbands, girlfriends or wives. See, I am friends with them because of who they are and not because of who they sleep with or who they are married to.

I mean really, if the choice of spouse was one of my criteria I would have lost too many friends already. Many of my friends have husbands, wives, boyfriends or girlfriends I don’t like. For every Nicola and Herman I have a… hum… better not talk about the friends whose “partners” I don’t like. Some of my friends have real dicks for husbands. But I still like them to be my friend, so I have to be “nice” to their “partner”. I only stick my tongue out and pull faces when they are not looking. And I don’t know how many times I have “accidentally” dropped my precious beer all over them. “Sorry, didn’t see that stone over there”.

So I pretty much don’t care who you marry. Just marry someone who you love and who loves you back. And someone that isn’t a complete dick. But what I don’t get is this huge debate all over the world about gay marriages. And no more so than here in the US. And for me it is especially relevant in this country of freedom and rights. Why are people so stuck on this? I really don’t get it. Okay, I live in Massachusetts so we pretty much don’t care who you marry. And California seems to come around to our way of thinking. But still. What’s the issue dude?

It’s a pretty straight forward issue isn’t it? (No pun intended.) Let people marry who they want. And give them the same rights as you have in your marriage. And no, that does not include domestic abuse that are so prevalent in heterosexual marriages. That is not a right. It’s just men and their insecurities.

Maybe that is it. Men and their insecurities. I don’t give a damn who someone else marries because I am happily married to the person I love more than life. I am secure in my relationship. And I don’t think that me being heterosexual is an issue. It’s neither here nor there. I don’t think of myself as heterosexual. I am just who I am. Me. In love with my wife and all the strings that comes with that. But I am pretty okay with being straight. I don’t see other men loving and/or wanting men as a threat to me being straight. Or just being me. I am sure as hell that me being straight doesn’t bug them either.

But maybe some of these men who are so against gays are just insecure of who they are. Small…. no, I won’t say it. Let’s just say that they are most likely not too happy with themselves. But that they take their own insecurities out on other people. Puh-lease. Grow up and / or grow a brain. And gays are such an easy target. Because you know, gay men will find them so attractive. They might turn them gay. Gays must have the hots for them. “I can ‘feel’ it.” Sigh. Yeah, right. Dream on buddy.

Think about it for a minute. You “men” out there. There are more girls just for you! With all the good looking men out the way, you might actually stand a chance. That good looking girl who said, “If you are the last straight man on earth…” Well, it might actually come true. You might actually find a girl because of a lack of competition. Be happy about it dude. Your ugly face might actually be acceptable to someone out there. It’s a numbers game in your favor. Of course, the problem is that your personality might actually make them “turn” gay as well. Oh dear.

But seriously, why are people hung up about this? Do they think gays are somehow going to undermine the “sacred union called marriage?” Erm, sorry to disappoint you people. But you did that all by yourself. The divorce rates in this country is ridiculous. And this in a conservative country. Shame on you. And it has nothing to do with gays. No matter how hard you might try to blame someone else – this is all thanks to you. Who killed the “sacred union”? You did Mr Straight Guy. When you started getting divorced quicker than changing underwear. That and domestic abuse on the side. No. Gays won’t threaten the sacred union because you already shot it, dragged it through the streets and made a rug from it to keep your feet warm.

And by the way – it is your daughter and son that is more likely to sleep around than the kids of the liberal couple down the road. Teenage pregnancies and sexual activity are so much higher amongst these “conservative” groups. I guess they get that from your brilliant example through your bigoted lifestyle.

While we are on the topic. Nothing stops you from getting married in church. Every church has the right to it’s own bigotry beliefs. But when it comes to government and how they treat people? Don’t think discrimination has a pace there right? Wasn’t this country so proud of the fact that it was secular and separated church and politics? And isn’t it this country that is so proud of freedom and equal rights? Then what the hell are you on about that the state should not allow gay marriages? Why are you maintaining that the state should not give same-sex couples the same rights and privileges than you have? That’s just un-American. Go get married in the church. But let the state treat everyone the same. And let everyone get the same privileges under state laws. Anything less is discrimination and un-American.

And with all the crap all over the world, this is your biggest problem? The fact that the world is at war. That the environment sucks. That the economy is crashing. That gas costs more than $4. Healthcare is straining under the weight of obesity. Kids killing kids at schools and colleges. These things don’t bug the living hell out of you? You don’t think that these things might bring down the country before the choices people make about who they love? Love is actually a good thing you know? Better than war in any case. Deal with the real issues and not the crap they are feeding you on the right. Why don’t you play some music while Rome burns? Nero did. You would like him I think.

Oh, the most ridiculous thing I heard was the “men today, animals tomorrow” argument. Yeah, right. Just because I can prove that you come from the ape (the dragging knuckles gave it away), doesn’t mean my friend want to sleep with you. It would be like saying that a government will start a war with Iraq even though they had no proof that there was any substantive link between Al-Qaeda and Sadam. Oh, wait. What I meant to say was that just because you look like a dog, doesn’t mean my friend wants to sleep with you. It’s just stupid.

See? I just don’t get it. Caring about who sleeps with who or who loves who just won’t do for me. I have bigger things to worry about.

But there is one thing that bugs the living hell out of me. And it is especially true for the gay community. This “partner” idea. It seems as if every single one of my friends have a partner. I though they were lawyers when I heard it the first time. Or that they were talking about some small business venture they were going into with a friend. A business partner. Come on. (S)he is your boyfriend or your husband, girlfriend or wife. Just like my wife was my girlfriend first and then my wife. You better stop using that word or I will… I will… Hum… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll tell all my friends and your friends that you are actually a closet straight. And that you just thought it was cool to be gay. Or that you have the hots for Bush. And think that Sylvester Stallone is just gorgeous. And Adam Sandler is the most awesome actor alive. Oh damn, some of my friends actually think so already. Let me just go check if they are gay. You know, some of my best friends…

Anyway, you gay-bashers out there. Grow up. Grow a brain. Or flush yourself down the drain. You are tedious. Like a record being stuck. In the 80’s. Boy George, that is. Damnit.

Yawn. 

Get a life.

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