Some people think that I make up stories about the so-called Souf Efrikans. I don’t! It is all the honest truth… At least the Souf Efrikan version of the truth. But to prove to you that I really don’t do much other than report on the Souf Efrikan character of someone, I have decided to let the photos speak for themselves… (From the brave thatdudeyouknow and holeycheese.)

Unfortunately the photo has laryngitis and meaning was lost in translation… So, I have to report what it had to say. All I’ll do is set the scene and report on what really happened to this Souf Efrikan couple. Trust me… Would I make up up things like these? It’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the Souf Efrikan truth.

Let me start by introducing you to Japie Koekemoer (Common first name for farm boys and a surname that means Cake-beater). He is from the farm – af die plaas af. His family’s got high hopes for him. He is going to be the first one to go and work in the big city. Maybe find himself a girl and settle down. Work a normal job away from the farm. But Souf Efrikan farm boys aren’t the sharpest tool in the toolbox. Or as we say in Souf Efrika, the bakkie is running, but there’s no diesel in the tank. Let’s see how it went…

Japiemade his family very proud. He was the first one to pass through school. Okay, not the whole school. He passed through it once when he was chasing those crazy sheep who escaped. But he did at least Grade 1 in a more academic way. It took him a while. But here he is in all his glory! Decked out in his graduation outfit. Just look at him. All fancy and neat. They called the graduation ceremony Happie Pruim – Meaning Plum Bite. It’s part of a long tradition where the person (generally a guy) who took the longest to pass Grade 1 had to eat a plum. Why a plum? Because when someone get’s really old we call them ‘n ou pruim – an old plum. And he had to write the banner. You can see that it was the spelling that kept him back in Grade 1. Souf Efrikans can’t spell so well.

But Japie got himself a fancy girl from the big city. Yes, he crossed the cultural barrier by going all classy with an Inglish Souf Efrikan. Her name was Kerry Oakey (and yes, she did like to sing.) And Japie got her. Okay, maybe “got her” is a stretch. More like her caught her. And held on for dear life. See how Japie has his arm all lovie-dovie around her shoulder? Ha! That’s what we Souf Efrikans farm boys call the sheep grip. We use that to catch and hold sheep on the farm. No way to escape. That’s how all Souf Efrikan Koekemoer men got their wives. But note her smile… That’s what all Souf Efrikan women do. They make the men believe they “have” them. But it’s really the other way around…

Of course all that sheep eating didn’t go down so well on the breath department… This Souf Efrikan couple had to try many different ways for poor Kerry Oakey to overcome Japie’s sheep breath problem.

But like all good Souf efrikan men… He had a plan to show her how much he loves her. We have a saying in Souf Efrika – ‘n boer maak ‘n plan– a farmer makes a plan. And he did. He grew a beard. So that he could spoil her and save her some money. He grew a beard so she can exfoliate… Now that is true love…

And then they got married. He promised her a fancy wedding. Kerry Oakey also learned another thing about Souf Efrikan farm boys. Their idea of fancy is very different from the the rest of the globe. The Souf Efrikan man thinks that fancy means a two-tone tent. And she had to put it up herself. Kerry Oakey had some serious doubts about the marriage when Japie decided to show her his wedding song and dance. But he was still the best exfoliater she’s ever had.

What was Sarah Palin doing at the wedding?

And once they were married… Oh, man… Like a good Souf Efrikan man he ate everything and drank everything that came his way. And no, he isn’t aiming to eat the food and drink the stuff on the left. He was aiming for the table. Souf Efrikan farmer boys like Japie gets really hungry… And they have unique table manners… But Kerry Oakey taught him some good table manners. Didn’t she?

And then they had kids… As many as what he could count. 3 to be exact… Oh, this photo isn’t of them in the newspaper celebrating the birth! It is just another of those wanted pictures they put up at all the restaurants in Souf Efrika. He’s banned from most of them. Because of the table eating…

All I am going to say about this photo is that we call a pacifier a dummy in Souf Efrika. And some dummy has got the dummy in his mouth. And the baby is trying to get it back…

Oh poor Kerry Oakey. She tried to get away from the mad Souf Efrikan farmer so many times. She’ll run as fast as what she can. But she could never get away. As you can see from the photo on the left, he would get the kids together for a hunting party and with his best Souf Efrikan farmer instincts find her. And then (photo on the right) he would get the kids to bring her down with their best Souf Efrikan rugby tackle. It was futile. She could never get away…

But the kids had other ideas. They were going to make something from Japie. So they sat him down for a talk – photo on the left. And they had a heart to heart. In Japie’s case, a hard to hard. They asked him what he wanted to do when he grows up. And he said an accountant. So they said… Okay, let’s rather just start with counting. So the little one taught him how to count and read words and not just pictures – middle photo. And once that was done he was forced to write a test… And he passed! (Okay, the little one passed him the answers, but that’s okay. It’s Souf Efrikans – we stick together.)

Yes they are a crazy bunch… Japie Koekemoer and Kerry Oakey. But they are Souf Efrikan. That much you can see. Because most of all. Most of all. Souf Efrikans love… In crazy ways.

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