We won and we lost. Obama winning helped to put one piece of injustice to sleep. But injustice is still with us. Discrimination is still lurking in the laws. Liberty is still for the select few. Freedom is still not for all of us. Equality still hunts us down like we were on cotton plantations.

Because “they” are still not allowed to get married. “They” are still held as second class citizens. Tell me? Who the hell are “they”?

Bullshit. Bullshit I tell you.

It’s like playing that whack-the-mole game. You hit one piece of bigotry on the head and another one pops up. Whack! Whack! Whack! It never stops. But unlike the game, we can’t pull the plug on bigotry. Their batteries get charged by their own hatred.

Look. I am REALLY getting sick and tired of this. There is no “they”.

There. Is. No. They.

There is only us. “They” are you who are bigots. The only people who are “they” are those who preach hatred. Hatred for gays, hatred for Africans, hatred for African-Americans, hatred for rednecks, hatred for Jews, hatred for Muslims, hatred for Christians, hatred for… and more hatred and more hatred and more hatred.

You! Yes you! Bigot! That one who hates gays. Or who doesn’t want “them” to have the same rights as everyone else. All that separates you from burning “them” on a cross is some wood and matches. All that separates you from strapping a bomb to your chest and blowing them up is a book in your hand and a different language. Bigotry is bigotry. Hatred is hatred. It’s only the degrees that differ.

You think you are so different from those who kill innocent people elsewhere in the name of a jihad? You think you are so different from those policemen who killed Biko? You think you are so different from the Christians who murdered during the Crusade? You think you are so different from those who flew those planes? You think you are so different from those who kept slaves on the plantations? Who burned people at stakes? You think you are better than a Hutu or a Tutsi? You think you are better than the priests leading Jesus to the cross?

You are not. You are no better. You are separated only by the degrees of action. You speak the same language. You spew the same hatred. You can cloak it in nice words. But so did Hitler. So did Pontius Pilot. So did PW Botha. So did Mao. So did Stalin. So did everyone who believed they were better than “the others”.

You are no better than those who killed and murdered. You are them. Separated by a small degree of heat. A small step. One action separates you. Just one. They are your brothers. Your keepers. In thought and prayer.

Don’t ever call me straight. I am not straight. I am me. Who I sleep with and who I love has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with my bad fashion sense. It has nothing to do with my anger. It has nothing to do with defining who I am inside.

I have no choice about who I am. I am because we are. I have no choice about being straight. I have no choice about being gay. I am just me. Like the color of my skin is not my choice. And my gender is not my choice. Or where I was born was not my choice. It is who I am. We should not be defined by these parts of who we are. We should be defined by our love and compassion for others and for ourselves.

Hell, if I had a choice I would not have chosen to be a pale heterosexual male. Except for the fact that it helped me find the love of my life it is nothing to be proud of. It is nothing special. In fact, I don’t like many of those who look like me. Hitler, Bush, Stalin, Verwoerd – all white males proclaiming to be straight. Too many bigots wear the same “clothes”.

I don’t ever want to be defined as heterosexual. I don’t. Because I am not. I am just a person who met another person and who loves. It could have been anyone. It just happened to be someone from the opposite gender. I didn’t make the choice to love her. It just happened.

That’s all I want the world to have. Just to feel the same love I feel. I don’t care who you are. Jew, Christian, gay, Muslim, straight, male, female, black, white, Chinese, Russian. I don’t care.

I. Don’t. Care.

All I want is “us” to all feel love. And see a better future together. As us. Not as “them” and “us”. There is only us in this world. All of us.

There is no such thing as a “gay issue”. Any injustice is my issue. Our injustice. Any limitation on freedom is a limitation of my freedom. Our freedom. Any inequality takes away my equality. Our equality. Any time the liberty of others are restricted then my liberty is restricted. Our liberty. Any place love is threatened my love is threatened. Our love. There can be no “others”. There can be no “gay issue”. There is only my issues. And our issues. We all have freedom, liberty, equality, justice, life, love and opportunity. Or I have none. I am not gay. But I am gay. 

I am the “gay issue”. We are the “gay issue”.

Because… I am because we are.

All of us. I am us. I am the “we”.

We will not fail each other. Because there is no gay issue. There is only an us issue.



A few other posts of mine looking at the “gay issue”:

The “gay problem” or The Idiot’s Guide to Bigotry

The Gay Agenda

And one more thing

How to solve the “gay marriage problem”


A friend of mine just passed me this link to something Keith Olbermann had to say on gay marriages. I missed it completely as I don’t watch enough telly. But it seems as if Keith and myself have more in common than what I thought. Go watch what he had to say. It is long. But it is worth it. His questions are very similar to mine. Just more eloquently put…


Some of my best friends are gay… I just had to use that line! I have been waiting to use it for ages. In fact, I think I have way more gay friends than what I might realize. Mainly because I pretty much don’t care if they are gay or not. I don’t ask them and sometimes only find out once they introduce me to their partners. Or as I would like to call them – their boyfriends or husbands, girlfriends or wives. See, I am friends with them because of who they are and not because of who they sleep with or who they are married to.

I mean really, if the choice of spouse was one of my criteria I would have lost too many friends already. Many of my friends have husbands, wives, boyfriends or girlfriends I don’t like. For every Nicola and Herman I have a… hum… better not talk about the friends whose “partners” I don’t like. Some of my friends have real dicks for husbands. But I still like them to be my friend, so I have to be “nice” to their “partner”. I only stick my tongue out and pull faces when they are not looking. And I don’t know how many times I have “accidentally” dropped my precious beer all over them. “Sorry, didn’t see that stone over there”.

So I pretty much don’t care who you marry. Just marry someone who you love and who loves you back. And someone that isn’t a complete dick. But what I don’t get is this huge debate all over the world about gay marriages. And no more so than here in the US. And for me it is especially relevant in this country of freedom and rights. Why are people so stuck on this? I really don’t get it. Okay, I live in Massachusetts so we pretty much don’t care who you marry. And California seems to come around to our way of thinking. But still. What’s the issue dude?

It’s a pretty straight forward issue isn’t it? (No pun intended.) Let people marry who they want. And give them the same rights as you have in your marriage. And no, that does not include domestic abuse that are so prevalent in heterosexual marriages. That is not a right. It’s just men and their insecurities.

Maybe that is it. Men and their insecurities. I don’t give a damn who someone else marries because I am happily married to the person I love more than life. I am secure in my relationship. And I don’t think that me being heterosexual is an issue. It’s neither here nor there. I don’t think of myself as heterosexual. I am just who I am. Me. In love with my wife and all the strings that comes with that. But I am pretty okay with being straight. I don’t see other men loving and/or wanting men as a threat to me being straight. Or just being me. I am sure as hell that me being straight doesn’t bug them either.

But maybe some of these men who are so against gays are just insecure of who they are. Small…. no, I won’t say it. Let’s just say that they are most likely not too happy with themselves. But that they take their own insecurities out on other people. Puh-lease. Grow up and / or grow a brain. And gays are such an easy target. Because you know, gay men will find them so attractive. They might turn them gay. Gays must have the hots for them. “I can ‘feel’ it.” Sigh. Yeah, right. Dream on buddy.

Think about it for a minute. You “men” out there. There are more girls just for you! With all the good looking men out the way, you might actually stand a chance. That good looking girl who said, “If you are the last straight man on earth…” Well, it might actually come true. You might actually find a girl because of a lack of competition. Be happy about it dude. Your ugly face might actually be acceptable to someone out there. It’s a numbers game in your favor. Of course, the problem is that your personality might actually make them “turn” gay as well. Oh dear.

But seriously, why are people hung up about this? Do they think gays are somehow going to undermine the “sacred union called marriage?” Erm, sorry to disappoint you people. But you did that all by yourself. The divorce rates in this country is ridiculous. And this in a conservative country. Shame on you. And it has nothing to do with gays. No matter how hard you might try to blame someone else – this is all thanks to you. Who killed the “sacred union”? You did Mr Straight Guy. When you started getting divorced quicker than changing underwear. That and domestic abuse on the side. No. Gays won’t threaten the sacred union because you already shot it, dragged it through the streets and made a rug from it to keep your feet warm.

And by the way – it is your daughter and son that is more likely to sleep around than the kids of the liberal couple down the road. Teenage pregnancies and sexual activity are so much higher amongst these “conservative” groups. I guess they get that from your brilliant example through your bigoted lifestyle.

While we are on the topic. Nothing stops you from getting married in church. Every church has the right to it’s own bigotry beliefs. But when it comes to government and how they treat people? Don’t think discrimination has a pace there right? Wasn’t this country so proud of the fact that it was secular and separated church and politics? And isn’t it this country that is so proud of freedom and equal rights? Then what the hell are you on about that the state should not allow gay marriages? Why are you maintaining that the state should not give same-sex couples the same rights and privileges than you have? That’s just un-American. Go get married in the church. But let the state treat everyone the same. And let everyone get the same privileges under state laws. Anything less is discrimination and un-American.

And with all the crap all over the world, this is your biggest problem? The fact that the world is at war. That the environment sucks. That the economy is crashing. That gas costs more than $4. Healthcare is straining under the weight of obesity. Kids killing kids at schools and colleges. These things don’t bug the living hell out of you? You don’t think that these things might bring down the country before the choices people make about who they love? Love is actually a good thing you know? Better than war in any case. Deal with the real issues and not the crap they are feeding you on the right. Why don’t you play some music while Rome burns? Nero did. You would like him I think.

Oh, the most ridiculous thing I heard was the “men today, animals tomorrow” argument. Yeah, right. Just because I can prove that you come from the ape (the dragging knuckles gave it away), doesn’t mean my friend want to sleep with you. It would be like saying that a government will start a war with Iraq even though they had no proof that there was any substantive link between Al-Qaeda and Sadam. Oh, wait. What I meant to say was that just because you look like a dog, doesn’t mean my friend wants to sleep with you. It’s just stupid.

See? I just don’t get it. Caring about who sleeps with who or who loves who just won’t do for me. I have bigger things to worry about.

But there is one thing that bugs the living hell out of me. And it is especially true for the gay community. This “partner” idea. It seems as if every single one of my friends have a partner. I though they were lawyers when I heard it the first time. Or that they were talking about some small business venture they were going into with a friend. A business partner. Come on. (S)he is your boyfriend or your husband, girlfriend or wife. Just like my wife was my girlfriend first and then my wife. You better stop using that word or I will… I will… Hum… I don’t know. Maybe I’ll tell all my friends and your friends that you are actually a closet straight. And that you just thought it was cool to be gay. Or that you have the hots for Bush. And think that Sylvester Stallone is just gorgeous. And Adam Sandler is the most awesome actor alive. Oh damn, some of my friends actually think so already. Let me just go check if they are gay. You know, some of my best friends…

Anyway, you gay-bashers out there. Grow up. Grow a brain. Or flush yourself down the drain. You are tedious. Like a record being stuck. In the 80’s. Boy George, that is. Damnit.


Get a life.

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