Back from Bucks County. And back with some views on the news. It’s been a weak of news. Backward news. Let’s have a look, shall we?

1. Can’t take my eyes off of you

Poor old man McCain. He just can’t get any attention. It seems as if people, and especially the media, thinks he might be a bit boring. Big yawn. Big surprise. The most exiting thing that happens to him is when the comb-over flaps in the wind or when he puts in his teeth in the morning. Anyway… So McShame decided to show the world, or at least his closet closest friends, how unfair this all is to a senior citizen like himself. And decided to show it in a way that is a bit more hip. You know. To get with this “internets” thingy. Made up a nice clip (two actually) and posted it on YouTube. Showing to the world how unfair the media can be. Nice one. You really showed your age with this one. Or maybe not. My 4-year old won’t even do this. It is way below her standards. She is too grown up for it I guess. But then, she isn’t a Republican politician either. But then he pulled it off the site again! No, it wasn’t the early signs of ADD. Or flip-flopping. I was hoping it was his promise to “fight a good clean fight that will stay on the moral high ground”. Nope, that wasn’t it. He is already playing with the pigs. Remember the Bush man-love hug? Anyway… He pulled it because it was way to popular. And maybe illegal. Yep, the only way he could get any attention was by showing pictures and videos of Obama. Go figure. And then? He had to pull it because one of the songs they used, Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You, might have a licencing issue… Yep, the more popular the clip the more they have to pay. A bit like oil prices I guess. And now McPain realizes he will have to pay up if he wants to be watched – or at least watch Obama being watched. Hah! Dig a hole for yourself Mac. Come on. Pick the nearest forest and start digging. Or offshore. You might just find enough oil to pay for using that song. Hope it is legal. The song. And the digging. He is going to be really pissed when he hears the European Commission just extended copyright for songs to 95 years. Even he can’t outlive that.

The Obama camps denied reports that they are currently looking at posting two clips of McCain on their YouTube channel. One showing him crying in the rain to “Wish You Were Here” (Pink Floyd) and another of him throwing a hissy fit to “She Thinks His Name Was John” (Reba McEntire).

I love you so much Big Fella

I love you so much Big Fella

2. McCain knows no shame – dissing the troops

I think that McCain is becoming desperate. Really desperate. He is now willing to shred the last pieces of decency he had. I don’t know if he is losing his mind or whether he lost it months ago already. But the last inch of respect he had is being lost at a rapid pace. Why? Because he is starting to disrespect the troops. It’s fine to throw cheap shots at Obama. That’s politics the Republican way. Cheap. Shots. But playing with the troops is another thing. Using them and abusing them for cheap shots is just… hum… you know… not on. Obama decided not to visit a military hospital in Germany because the Pentagon thought that it might be inappropriate as it might be seen as playing politics. Fair call. So Obama did the right thing. Pull out of the visit. This showed his respect for the troops. Not willing to let them be pulled into politics. Good on you Obama. And then McShame decided to open his stupid mouth again. Calling Obama out for not visiting the troops. He hinted that Obama isn’t showing enough respect for the injured troops. WTF? Are you for real? You want to show some respect for the troops? Shut your mouth when it comes to the military and get the troops out of this stupid war of yours. The troops should be supported. Not your stupid mindless war. You were in the military. But not anymore. It doesn’t give you a free pass when it comes to the lives of Americans. Troops or not. Show some respect.

Oh, and while we are on the war thing. That new ad of yours where you climb into Obama for not being in Iraq often enough. Here is a wake-up call for you. You don’t need to be in Iraq to know that war was the wrong decision. Maybe even illegal. A bad decision based on bad intel. The War on Error. And not one single person who supported that decision to invade is saying they are sorry. No, they are trying to say that it is “working”. Working! Bah! Maybe our definitions of working differ slightly. Working like a bloody band aid on a broken back yes. It was wrong to go into war with Iraq and that doesn’t change no matter how many times you visit.

And Afghanistan? Go read up a bit more. Not only are we losing the War on Terror there, but also the War on Drugs. The poppy’s are blooming. We are losing the war over there because the military is stretched to the extreme. Hope it doesn’t snap. So what do you do? Move the pieces around. Troops out of Iraq and into Afghanistan. There is an old South African saying, “Slim vang sy baas.” The bright one catches his master. It means that eventually all you decision will backfire if they are wrong. And you just keep on sticking to those wrong ones baby. So, ¡Ya basta! Stop your whining and start showing some respect for those troops who are fighting your stupid war. Don’t play with them just to try and become President. It’s not on. So get off.

3. Please Mr President, just shut up

Look, it takes a damn lot to make President Bush look sharp and full of wisdom, but President Mbeki isn’t going to give up trying. At least President Bush is doing little to make things worse during the last few days of his reign. No wait. The war is still on, the economy is tanking, he wants to drill for oil no matter what or where, and he is still playing chicken with Iran, North Korea and whoever else said no to the dinner date. Okay… He can do way more damage, but so can Mbeki. Here is a man I used to support and defend. And then he lost me at… hello? Anybody there? First he made a joke of science with his Aids policies. Then he danced on the graves of human rights and logic with his “quiet diplomacy” approach to Mad Uncle Robert Mugabe over there in Zim. Both of these decisions took a special kind of leadership. Special needs more like it. It refined decision-making. Redefined stupidity in leadership. But just when you thought it can’t get any worse… He goes on to say that Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir should not be prosecuted for war crimes. WTF? (Second one for today.) Come again? The reason? Because it will mess up the peace process. You know, you can’t talk peace with a guy who is in court at the same time. Now hang on in there El Presidente Mbeki. That logic doesn’t work. Say someone breaks into my house and steals everything. Now you are arguing that we can’t charge the guy because it might hinder his rehabilitation. No, no! No, baby, no. You don’t negotiate with someone while they are bus murdering and killing the innocent. You charge them and let justice takes its course. Please President Mbeki. Show some backbone. Stop making President Bush look good. I really don’t need that right now.

4. Not Mama’s Apple Pie

So you are just sitting there having a nice piece of apple pie. As American as can be. Spoiling yourself. At Maccie D’s. And you take a deep bite. You can feel the apple pie squirm against your braces. And then… Wait! I don’t wear braces! What the hell is this piece of metal doing in my apple pie? Screw them. Metal screw in the apple pie. That’s what happened to this poor woman. But that’s not the news. Bad food at McDonald’s? What’s new. No – the real news is further down the article…

“Her nephew had also eaten an apple pie, but there were no foreign objects in his dessert.”

Haha! Come on! You ate an apple pie at Maccie D’s. Of course there were foreign objects in your dessert. It just wasn’t metal.

While we are on the fast food topic. I see The Governator Schwarzenegger banned trans fats in restaurants. Good. Right? One thing has always bugged me about banning trans fats at fast food joints. Do you really think of any health issues when you go buy a donut from Dunkin’ Donuts? Do you stop for a minute and think, “I wonder how many calories in this Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese?” I don’t. I know it is bad. I think everyone knows that eating crap food is bad for you. This trans fat debate is a bit too nanny state to me. Too English. Not American. Eat crap and die.

5. Stop Press! Money to Democrats!

Those slightly crazy right wingers at NewsBusters and American Thinker really got their backs up this week. Because they just “proved” that the media is biased. You see, the media is giving more money to Democrats than to Republicans. And about 235 journalists gave money to the Democrats compared to 20 to Republicans. And who said the media is stupid? It isn’t a lot of money. About $225,000 compared to $16,000. But still. Why are they doing it? NewsBusters and the stupidity gang argues that the media is biased. But even Fox gave to the Democrats and not to the Republicans. So that can’t be right. I mean NewsBusters and American Drinker Thinker adore and pray at the feet of Fox. So what’s the reason then? I have an alternative theory. The media is giving money to the Democrats because they are sick and tired of getting screwed for nothing by Bush and the Repugnants Republicans. They are arguing that if they are going to get screwed they might just pay for the more entertaining lot. And better looking as well. I mean really. You don’t know where those Republicans have been before. Apart from airport toilets that is. Also, you pay for something that is worthwhile. Will you pay to watch a re-run of Gigli or the Adventures of Pluto Nash? You know what the Republicans are all about. Been there and done that. No reason to pay for it and see it again. It was aweful the last time around and you know it won’t be better the next time either. Not when you have the real blockbuster coming right up – the Democrats are the movie for next summer. You don’t know if it will be any good, but you know it will be a damn lot better than the bad show of last years and yesterday. No it isn’t the media being biased. It’s the media deciding that it is better to pay for hope than get screwed for nothing by dope.


See ya’ll later.

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Look. This isn’t the Rumble in the Jungle. It’s not World War II. It’s not even Tom & Jerry. It’s more like Wrestlemania. A little bit of fireworks and a laser display. But it is really just make-believe. A show. A show that happens every few years. Lots of noise and lots of action. But fundamentally still just a show. Nobody gets hurt. Yes, I am talking about the US Presidential election.

Obama and Hillary and Mac tries. Oh man they really try hard. Trying to convince everyone that they are so different from the other one. I am more conservative/liberal than him or her. I am the most experienced. I am from outside the DC mentality. I will be the one answering the phone at 3 am. I am so different from those other two. Sorry people. You are not that different from each other. Apart from the obvious bits – black, white, male, female. But when it comes to politics in America? About as different as Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. Pretty much the same difference – car crashes, flashing underwear, rehab sessions and bad movies excluded.

Let me be open and honest here – full disclosure. I am all for Obama. I think he will be a great leader and will bring something new to the table that has been missing in American politics for a while. But that doesn’t make it him that different from HillBillary or Mac. They are all proudly American. And will defend this country to the end. And anyone who thinks otherwise should get out of the chicken coop and start scraping the poop of your shoes. It’s starting to smell. Where have you been all this time? Your head in the sand or up your …? Don’t drink the Kool-Aid – whether served by Fox and Rush or Bill Maher and Jon Stewart. It’s still Kool-Aid. Just a different flavor.

This election isn’t about what kind of political system America should have. Or what would be the best economic model. This isn’t a debate on whether the USA should have a monarchy or a republic. This isn’t about every person having a vote or America being run by a tyrant. This isn’t about America being a communist state or free market. I know, some would argue that a vote for the Democrats will make America more “socialist” or “communist”. Sorry people. Just not happening. You think the US will be more like China or Russia or even Sweden under either Obama or Hillary? Get real. Go read up on world politics a bit baby. The world is a bit more complicated than your backyard – even during hurricane season.

It’s like saying a vote for the Republicans would be a vote for an Apartheid-type system. Just not gonna happen. Go watch a French movie and get educated. Except maybe the Asterix and Obelix movies. Those are closely based on the France of today. And what’s this about a free market? Neither will America (or any other country) ever be a free market system. Too many regulations and too much protection for that. And I mean protection for big companies and not the little guy – read the you can’t sue them rulings and subsidies for big oil. So, the US will basically remain a semi-free market with slightly more or slightly less interference from government. With a failing health system that neither business or government can sort out. Except if you start cutting down on those Whoppers and start dying before you actually get ill. America won’t change that much under any of these three. Politics in America is less like a seesaw and more of a sandpit – you don’t really move much, you just get a little bit dirtier the longer you play.

The fight between Hillary and Obama is more of a slapfest than a slugfest. Like the Poms did way back when with the old white handkerchief through the face. A little bit of “how’s your mother” – but in a nice way. Nothing serious. A bit like when my wife and myself don’t agree. Yes, we get all worked up – but we know that we are still on the same side. Okay, our makeup is better than theirs… I hope! And I know I am wrong most of the time in any case. Hillary and Obama- pretty much the same with slightly different clothes on. And Obama looks a bit cooler than Hillary and way cooler than McCain. Come on, admit it. I know you want to.

You think Mac will be so different from Hillary or Obama? Sorry to disappoint you again. Why would you think that? Because he is Republican? Again, you’re confusing it with The West Wing. That wasn’t true you know. Remember, Mac is more progressive than what JFK was back in the old days. He will tinker around the edges and call it the Big Mac version. And you will swallow it faster than a hotdog in the bottom of the 9th at Fenway Park. (Huh? That didn’t even make sense. But you get the picture. You wanna get it down as quickly as possible before it all ends.)

Come to think of it. There is actually very little to bitch and moan about the “fundamentals” of the US. Yes, gas prices are up and housing down. The economy is a little shaky. Or as Bush calls it – a “slowdown”. But you think any of these candidates will solve it by themselves? You think they will come and wave their magic wand and make everything all hunky-dory again? Hum, sorry to disappoint you but things are never hunky-dory. There is always a little bit of doggy poo walked into the carpet in every house. Yesterday wasn’t better, it was just different. Okay, today is pretty crap, but we know that none of the candidates can be any worse than what you currently have. (My less than heartfelt apology to the 28% who actually approves of the job President Bush is doing. The lowest in recorded history. Yes, even lower than Truman during Korea and Nixon at any stage.) There is only one way and that is up from here. But they’ll tinker around the edges and call it a new dawn, but they won’t change what America is all about. Don’t worry. Baseball won’t turn into cricket at any stage soon. You’ll play ball your style for a few years yet.

And if you think there are major problems in the US – think again. Almost everyone in the world pays more than Americans for their gas. And pay more in tax. And more for food. And more for… well.. damn nearly everything. And the majority of the world would love to have your “problems”. Take the candidate you dislike the most and ask yourself – would I rather live in that America or in Zimbabwe or China? Or even in the UK? There are but a handful of countries in this world that can offer you a better life than in the US. (Okay, maybe only Luxembourg.) No matter who rules the country it will still be a pretty damn good place to live in. I mean come on. President Bush couldn’t f*ck mess up this country any more than he did and it is still pretty awesome to live here right?

So there isn’t really much of a fight going on in the Presidential race. Just a bit of name-calling. Oh, like with any good fake fight they’ll try to build it up. To get you all excited. But it’s like the ad on television for some crap April movie. They’ll show you the good bits, but you know that it is the same old lame formula as before. The media and the bloggers will tell you that this is the time. That this is about the heart and soul of America. But it isn’t. Americans are more than politics. And the soul of America is more than a few wise words and a pretty face. The media and blogs do it to sell you their ad space. And you buy baby. Buy.

In the end America will be better. No matter which one you decide you want as your President. Your choice. Little will change and America will continue to be a great place to live in. All three are great Americans. It’s not about who will give you the best tax break. It’s not about gay marriages. It’s not about racism or sexism. It’s not about religious intolerance. It’s not about universal healthcare. It’s not about immigration. Those are minor issues that doesn’t define what America stands for. Or what the world needs. Those are at the rough edges. The crazy uncle stuff every family suffers from. That’s not what you want to ask yourself. You want to ask yourself…

Who will inspire Americans to be the best it can be? Who will be more likely to bridge the political divide? Who will get the world to respect America again? Who will protect your freedom of speech even when it hurts? Who will get rid of laws that allows your privacy to be exploited? Who will be the least likely to get you into a stupid war? Who will fight against torture even when they torture you? Who will put you above the pigs crawling in the mud below? Who will protect your right to carry weapons even if they don’t like it? Who will most likely ensure that church and politics don’t mix? Who will protect the individual rights of people – whether they are gay or KKK? Who offers you the best hope for a future your children can be proud of?

I am sure there are more questions than these few. Feel free to fill in the gaps. Just make sure you don’t fill in the gaps with the Kool-Aid the candidates and parties and media are trying to force down your throat. They are all the same and they are all different. They are mostly good, with a few bad spots. They are all perfect in their own little way. And all flawed in their own little way. But they are all American – and as different as Americans can be. And proudly so. Anything else they say is just a little storm in a teacup.

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